1
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,593
RICK:
Who am I?
2
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,096
You sure you wanna know?
3
00:02:55,429 --> 00:02:57,390
Truth is, I'm a nobody.
4
00:02:57,556 --> 00:03:01,310
Actually, I'm worse than a nobody.
I'm this guy.
5
00:03:01,477 --> 00:03:03,979
Stop! Stop the bus!
6
00:03:05,022 --> 00:03:06,232
[TIRES SCREECH]
7
00:03:06,399 --> 00:03:07,441
[GRUNTING]
8
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,703
RICK: The story of my life
is not for the faint of heart.
9
00:03:18,869 --> 00:03:20,538
Thanks.
10
00:03:20,955 --> 00:03:23,332
But, like any story worth telling,
11
00:03:23,499 --> 00:03:25,501
it's all about a girl.
12
00:03:26,502 --> 00:03:27,545
Not that girl.
13
00:03:29,547 --> 00:03:31,382
- Hey. Hi.
RICK: I don't think that is a girl.
14
00:03:32,091 --> 00:03:34,719
No, it's about this girl,
15
00:03:34,885 --> 00:03:36,262
Jill Johnson.
16
00:03:36,429 --> 00:03:39,390
Ever since I can remember
I've been in love with her,
17
00:03:39,557 --> 00:03:41,517
but she barely knows I exist.
18
00:03:41,684 --> 00:03:43,310
Yo, Rick! Yo, come here, man!
19
00:03:43,477 --> 00:03:46,522
I got you a seat down here. What's--?
I'll call y'all back. Everybody, bye.
20
00:03:46,689 --> 00:03:48,023
- What's up, man?
- Hey, Trey.
21
00:03:48,190 --> 00:03:49,859
Dude, I'm so psyched for this class trip.
22
00:03:50,025 --> 00:03:52,194
We about to see some real serious
cutting-edge shit.
23
00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:54,488
Mmm. Mm-hm. Mmm.
24
00:03:54,655 --> 00:03:57,742
That's what I'm talking about.
Yo, you got any C batteries on you? AAs?
25
00:03:57,908 --> 00:03:59,910
Got that new sandwich from Sony
in my backpack.
26
00:04:00,077 --> 00:04:02,288
It's Wi-Fi, mmm!
27
00:04:02,997 --> 00:04:05,499
Yo, you gotta forget about her, dog.
28
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:07,668
Look, look. Let me show you something.
29
00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:09,336
She not even looking at you.
30
00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:12,214
If I could just tell her how I feel--
31
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,342
I already told you,
you never gonna get with Jill, all right?
32
00:04:15,509 --> 00:04:16,510
[BUZZING]
33
00:04:16,677 --> 00:04:18,179
She hangs out
with the popular crew,
34
00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,222
and nobody messes around
outside their group.
35
00:04:20,389 --> 00:04:22,391
Come on, that crew stuff isn't real.
36
00:04:22,558 --> 00:04:24,477
The hell it ain't. Look around, Rick.
37
00:04:24,643 --> 00:04:26,520
- Look, you got your jocks,
- Get the ball, man.
38
00:04:26,687 --> 00:04:29,774
Nerds, emos,
39
00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:31,525
Frodos,
40
00:04:31,692 --> 00:04:33,819
the Scarface Society,
41
00:04:33,986 --> 00:04:36,614
the sexual predators.
42
00:04:36,781 --> 00:04:39,408
- Of course, you got the Rick-punchers.
- The who?
43
00:04:39,575 --> 00:04:41,702
- Ow!
- Yeah, they new.
44
00:04:41,869 --> 00:04:43,579
Mm-hm.
But you know what? Who cares?
45
00:04:43,746 --> 00:04:45,873
Because we got our own crew:
me and you.
46
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,708
Thanks, Trey. You're the best, man.
47
00:04:47,875 --> 00:04:48,876
[GRUNTING]
48
00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:50,211
- Am I in?
BOY: No.
49
00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:54,048
Come on. Hey, it's me and you, baby.
The two of us against the world, you hear?
50
00:04:54,215 --> 00:04:55,716
You look good today. I like your hair.
51
00:04:55,883 --> 00:04:58,427
I wanna show you something nasty
I downloaded. Don't tell nobody.
52
00:04:58,594 --> 00:04:59,720
[SHEEP BLEATS ON COMPUTER]
53
00:05:01,222 --> 00:05:02,598
MAN:
Welcome to Amalgamated.
54
00:05:02,765 --> 00:05:04,850
I'm Dr. Strom,
head of the Research Department
55
00:05:05,017 --> 00:05:07,645
- Come on, man.
- where we create the future today.
56
00:05:07,812 --> 00:05:10,815
And now I'd like to show you
our crown jewel.
57
00:05:11,565 --> 00:05:14,151
The Amalgamated animal genetics lab.
58
00:05:14,318 --> 00:05:16,403
[OOHING]
59
00:05:16,570 --> 00:05:18,739
Go ahead, explore.
60
00:05:18,906 --> 00:05:21,116
TREY: Yo, yo. Come on, Rick, man.
Check this out.
61
00:05:21,283 --> 00:05:23,869
STROM: All of our animals
are genetically engineered
62
00:05:24,036 --> 00:05:26,580
and each of them has...
63
00:05:26,747 --> 00:05:28,582
Oh, you're so pretty.
64
00:05:28,749 --> 00:05:30,251
Oh, hi, birdie.
65
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:31,418
[JILL GIGGLES]
66
00:05:31,877 --> 00:05:35,130
Hi. Hi. Heh, heh.
67
00:05:35,297 --> 00:05:36,966
She's beautiful, isn't she?
68
00:05:37,883 --> 00:05:39,593
Yes, she is.
69
00:05:41,220 --> 00:05:44,473
Uh, I'm gonna take a picture of her
for the school newspaper.
70
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,642
STROM:
Our only rules: Don't feed the animals
71
00:05:46,809 --> 00:05:49,436
and please, no flash photography.
72
00:05:51,230 --> 00:05:54,441
Some of our genetically engineered
animals are a little sensitive to light.
73
00:05:57,945 --> 00:05:59,530
It flew away.
74
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,121
Man. Hoo-hoo.
75
00:06:08,289 --> 00:06:10,165
What the F, loser?
76
00:06:10,332 --> 00:06:11,792
BOY:
You get him, Lance.
77
00:06:11,959 --> 00:06:14,628
- Come on, Lance. Leave him alone.
- I don't think so.
78
00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:19,049
Is there a problem, Lance?
79
00:06:19,216 --> 00:06:22,803
No. No problem, Uncle Lou.
80
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:24,972
Mr. Landers.
81
00:06:25,139 --> 00:06:27,558
Students, this is Lou Landers,
82
00:06:27,725 --> 00:06:30,686
visionary scientist
and CEO of Amalgamated.
83
00:06:30,853 --> 00:06:33,480
Well, I'm just a businessman now.
84
00:06:33,647 --> 00:06:38,235
The future of science
belongs to all of you.
85
00:06:38,402 --> 00:06:40,321
Please, enjoy the tour.
86
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,156
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
87
00:06:42,323 --> 00:06:43,991
[COUGHING]
88
00:06:48,913 --> 00:06:50,748
RICK:
Are you okay?
89
00:06:50,915 --> 00:06:54,460
Yes, this is healthy cough blood.
90
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:59,840
Rick Riker. You're not Blaine
and Julia Riker's son, are you?
91
00:07:00,007 --> 00:07:02,635
- I am.
- Ah. Good people.
92
00:07:02,801 --> 00:07:06,180
- How are they?
- They died violently nine years ago.
93
00:07:06,347 --> 00:07:08,015
But otherwise okay?
94
00:07:08,641 --> 00:07:11,685
Yes, thank you.
I live with my aunt and uncle now.
95
00:07:11,852 --> 00:07:14,897
Well, you seem like
a real chip off the old block.
96
00:07:15,064 --> 00:07:17,650
Let's hope you're not
violently murdered too.
97
00:07:22,363 --> 00:07:24,156
[RICK GRUNTS THEN BOYS LAUGH]
98
00:07:24,323 --> 00:07:26,033
LANCE:
That's for making me look stupid.
99
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,285
Next time I hurt you.
100
00:07:28,452 --> 00:07:31,538
Yeah. You the man, Lance.
101
00:07:35,292 --> 00:07:38,587
STROM: Our work with these animals
has helped us develop new antibiotics,
102
00:07:38,754 --> 00:07:40,422
advanced pesticides,
103
00:07:40,589 --> 00:07:44,301
and a powerful new pheromone
which drives animals to mate
104
00:07:44,468 --> 00:07:46,595
called compound H2O9.
105
00:07:46,762 --> 00:07:48,806
It's a strong sexual attractant.
106
00:07:48,973 --> 00:07:51,934
A single drop is enough
to arouse any animal.
107
00:07:52,726 --> 00:07:56,063
We plan on using it
to breed endangered species.
108
00:07:56,230 --> 00:07:58,774
A special and indeed often overlooked--
109
00:07:58,941 --> 00:08:00,651
[GRUNTING]
110
00:08:00,818 --> 00:08:03,195
But our most promising research
111
00:08:03,362 --> 00:08:05,072
is with these dragonflies.
112
00:08:05,239 --> 00:08:07,574
For example, this dragonfly's skin
113
00:08:07,741 --> 00:08:11,412
has a hard, armor-like exoskeleton
to defend against...
114
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:15,582
And this species of dragonfly
has enormous strength for its size.
115
00:08:15,749 --> 00:08:17,418
[CHITTERING]
116
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,754
STROM: It can lift vast amounts,
more than its body weight.
117
00:08:20,921 --> 00:08:21,964
[MONKEY GIBBERS]
118
00:08:22,131 --> 00:08:24,341
And here we've injected the DNA
from all three species
119
00:08:24,508 --> 00:08:29,805
into seven new genetically enhanced
super dragonflies.
120
00:08:29,972 --> 00:08:32,266
But there's only six in there.
121
00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:35,561
STROM: Well, one missing dragonfly
is the least of my concerns.
122
00:08:35,728 --> 00:08:38,939
I lost six tigers alone last month.
123
00:08:41,275 --> 00:08:42,484
Ah!
124
00:08:42,651 --> 00:08:45,821
STROM:
This area is where we keep our livestock.
125
00:08:46,655 --> 00:08:48,657
[BRAYING]
126
00:08:49,158 --> 00:08:50,284
[GASPS]
127
00:08:50,451 --> 00:08:51,493
Oh.
128
00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:53,662
[RICK GRUNTING]
129
00:08:54,872 --> 00:08:56,373
Aren't you gonna do something?
130
00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:58,292
Soon as I get this up on YouTube.
131
00:09:03,005 --> 00:09:04,715
[GRUNTING]
132
00:09:06,008 --> 00:09:10,054
I see. Well, yes, I understand.
133
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,514
Thank you for the call.
134
00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:15,059
That was the principal.
135
00:09:15,225 --> 00:09:18,145
Rick walked off a class trip.
136
00:09:18,395 --> 00:09:21,899
After all the parenting you've done,
he's still so troubled.
137
00:09:22,066 --> 00:09:24,401
Why do you think that is, Albert?
138
00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:27,362
I have no idea, Lucille.
139
00:09:27,529 --> 00:09:30,199
I've taught him everything I know
about being a man.
140
00:09:30,365 --> 00:09:32,618
And a good man you are
141
00:09:32,785 --> 00:09:34,828
after all these years of marriage.
142
00:09:34,995 --> 00:09:36,413
It's like we first met.
143
00:09:37,206 --> 00:09:38,832
Sure, you're a little older.
144
00:09:38,999 --> 00:09:40,542
Your hair's gray.
145
00:09:40,709 --> 00:09:42,002
You have crow's feet.
146
00:09:42,169 --> 00:09:44,588
It takes you an hour to pee.
147
00:09:44,755 --> 00:09:48,842
Your thighs look like cottage cheese
someone threw up on a hot sidewalk.
148
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:52,554
And you've always had a tiny penis.
149
00:09:54,056 --> 00:09:57,392
Well, heh, what does it matter
when you're in love?
150
00:10:00,562 --> 00:10:02,773
- Uhh...
- Oh, Rick.
151
00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:04,566
We were wondering where you were.
152
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,444
It's so late.
153
00:10:08,946 --> 00:10:12,699
About time you got home.
Your aunt was getting worried.
154
00:10:12,866 --> 00:10:15,035
You can sleep late in the morning,
155
00:10:15,202 --> 00:10:17,079
but don't forget to feed the fish.
156
00:10:17,246 --> 00:10:18,664
[GROANING]
157
00:10:18,831 --> 00:10:21,041
Attaboy.
158
00:10:21,625 --> 00:10:23,001
[CLATTERING]
159
00:10:23,168 --> 00:10:27,214
I don't know. Something just doesn't
seem quite right with him today.
160
00:10:27,381 --> 00:10:29,967
Teenagers. I'll talk to him.
161
00:10:30,134 --> 00:10:31,802
[PANTING]
162
00:10:34,513 --> 00:10:37,891
Rough day, huh? Well, I won't lie to you.
163
00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:41,895
Puberty is a difficult time
in a young man's life, you know.
164
00:10:42,354 --> 00:10:45,107
Uh, this book may explain
what's happening.
165
00:10:45,274 --> 00:10:46,441
Let's see.
166
00:10:46,608 --> 00:10:48,819
There are mood swings, fluid retention,
167
00:10:48,986 --> 00:10:51,989
and once a month
you'll bleed from your vagina.
168
00:10:53,407 --> 00:10:55,492
This may be the wrong book.
169
00:10:55,659 --> 00:10:58,328
What's important is that
you're on the verge of adulthood.
170
00:10:58,495 --> 00:11:01,331
Here, take a drink.
171
00:11:01,915 --> 00:11:03,917
Ah, the rituals of manhood.
172
00:11:04,084 --> 00:11:05,752
Today you have your first beer,
173
00:11:05,919 --> 00:11:07,754
and tomorrow we'll circumcise you.
174
00:11:11,925 --> 00:11:13,927
[THUNDER CRASHING]
175
00:11:18,098 --> 00:11:20,225
I'm losing patience, Dr. Strom.
176
00:11:20,392 --> 00:11:22,394
Please, sir, if you could just wait
a few minutes--
177
00:11:22,561 --> 00:11:24,229
I've waited long enough
for this egomaniac.
178
00:11:24,396 --> 00:11:26,607
We're the board of directors.
Our time is valuable.
179
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:28,942
Not as valuable as mine, Mr. Carlson.
180
00:11:29,109 --> 00:11:32,654
You see, I have a terminal illness.
181
00:11:32,821 --> 00:11:34,823
I've been fighting it for years,
182
00:11:34,990 --> 00:11:37,659
but the disease has ravaged my organs.
183
00:11:37,826 --> 00:11:41,288
As of this moment,
I have one hour left to live.
184
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:46,793
It was on sale.
185
00:11:48,253 --> 00:11:50,297
LOU:
Gentlemen, if you're ready,
186
00:11:50,464 --> 00:11:53,508
allow me to show you the future.
187
00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:58,055
What the hell is that?
188
00:11:58,222 --> 00:12:00,265
An innovation-- Thank you.
189
00:12:00,432 --> 00:12:02,476
--That will not only save my life,
190
00:12:02,643 --> 00:12:03,894
but the life of this company.
191
00:12:04,645 --> 00:12:08,148
For too long we've scraped out profits
from pills and injections.
192
00:12:08,315 --> 00:12:10,943
The real prize is the total cure.
193
00:12:11,109 --> 00:12:13,153
A device that can alter DNA
194
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,822
and restore the body to perfect health.
195
00:12:15,989 --> 00:12:18,158
- You're crazy.
LOU: Ha, ha. No.
196
00:12:18,325 --> 00:12:21,912
Crazy is hearing voices, talking to cats,
197
00:12:22,079 --> 00:12:23,830
dating Paula Abdul.
198
00:12:23,997 --> 00:12:26,875
I'm not crazy. I'm a visionary.
199
00:12:27,042 --> 00:12:29,670
Sir. Sir, the machine's
never been fully tested.
200
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,088
If something should go wrong--
201
00:12:31,255 --> 00:12:33,715
- Start the machine!
- Yes, sir.
202
00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,428
[MACHINE BEEPS AND WHIRS]
203
00:12:38,595 --> 00:12:39,846
[GRUNTING]
204
00:12:40,973 --> 00:12:44,226
Plasma level is steady.
Genetic modification's at optimum levels.
205
00:12:45,602 --> 00:12:47,020
Sir, the core is overheating.
206
00:12:47,187 --> 00:12:49,189
- Aah!
STROM: We have to abort.
207
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:51,692
[SCREAMING]
208
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:54,194
[MACHINE SPUTTERS]
209
00:12:55,904 --> 00:12:57,698
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
210
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,074
Did it work?
211
00:12:59,241 --> 00:13:00,701
[MEN WHISPERING]
212
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,119
I'm so sorry.
213
00:13:02,286 --> 00:13:04,538
CARLSON:
Well, well, well.
214
00:13:04,705 --> 00:13:06,707
I want you to know what a joy it will be
215
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,376
running this company
without you in the way.
216
00:13:11,378 --> 00:13:14,047
Let go. Let me go.
217
00:13:15,549 --> 00:13:16,717
[CARLSON SCREAMING]
218
00:13:37,237 --> 00:13:41,825
Gentlemen, I think it's time
we made some personnel changes.
219
00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:45,495
MAN:
No, stay away.
220
00:13:45,662 --> 00:13:47,331
[MEN SCREAMING]
221
00:13:47,497 --> 00:13:50,500
[SCREAMING IN HIGH VOICE]
222
00:13:52,502 --> 00:13:54,171
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
223
00:13:59,468 --> 00:14:02,929
Oh. How long was I asleep?
224
00:14:03,096 --> 00:14:04,264
Five days.
225
00:14:04,431 --> 00:14:06,600
[ALBERT FARTS THEN GRUNTS]
226
00:14:07,392 --> 00:14:09,519
[FARTING]
227
00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:22,115
Huh.
228
00:15:00,529 --> 00:15:01,863
[SIGHS]
229
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,589
Wait, uh--
230
00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:31,017
Oh, Dad.
231
00:15:36,356 --> 00:15:39,609
I thought you'd live forever.
232
00:15:55,959 --> 00:15:57,085
Oh.
233
00:16:21,485 --> 00:16:24,070
LUCILLE:
Breakfast, Rick.
234
00:16:25,238 --> 00:16:26,990
I'll be right down.
235
00:16:29,743 --> 00:16:31,286
Oh.
236
00:16:38,293 --> 00:16:39,920
[BELL RINGING]
237
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:42,214
WOMAN:
If I can have your attention.
238
00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:45,967
We are delighted to have as guest judge
239
00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:48,261
the foremost scientist in the world.
240
00:16:48,428 --> 00:16:51,723
He's a visiting professor
at Empire City University
241
00:16:51,890 --> 00:16:54,601
where he's working with
the rare element cerillium.
242
00:16:54,768 --> 00:16:58,438
I am so proud to welcome
Dr. Stephen Hawking.
243
00:17:05,028 --> 00:17:07,614
HAWKING:
Thank you for that warm welcome.
244
00:17:07,781 --> 00:17:10,283
I have a disease that has paralyzed me.
245
00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:14,371
I cannot walk
and I use this computer to speak.
246
00:17:14,538 --> 00:17:18,458
But I am not depressed,
because I have the gift of knowledge.
247
00:17:19,459 --> 00:17:23,630
That's a lie.
I think about suicide every day.
248
00:17:23,797 --> 00:17:26,633
But you should all be happy
with your lives.
249
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,678
You can walk, talk, wipe your own asses
250
00:17:29,844 --> 00:17:31,346
and then there's all the sex.
251
00:17:31,513 --> 00:17:32,556
[STUDENTS MURMURING]
252
00:17:32,722 --> 00:17:35,058
I haven't had sex in years.
253
00:17:35,225 --> 00:17:38,645
My nurse is a lesbian
and not the hot kind.
254
00:17:39,980 --> 00:17:42,440
Hey, anyone want to get high?
255
00:17:42,607 --> 00:17:45,610
- I've got some hash with me.
GIRL: No way.
256
00:17:45,777 --> 00:17:50,574
White guy in the dreads,
you know what I'm talking about.
257
00:17:51,324 --> 00:17:53,785
Anyone? Anyone?
258
00:17:53,952 --> 00:17:55,328
Pussies.
259
00:18:09,676 --> 00:18:12,345
Watch where you're going in slo-mo,
dipshit.
260
00:18:12,512 --> 00:18:13,847
- Pfft.
- Yeah.
261
00:18:16,308 --> 00:18:18,101
[WHISPERS]
Go to her, stupid.
262
00:18:19,394 --> 00:18:21,313
Tell her how you feel.
263
00:18:21,479 --> 00:18:22,814
[GRUNTING]
264
00:18:28,820 --> 00:18:30,155
Unh!
265
00:18:40,415 --> 00:18:41,875
BOY 1:
Yow.
266
00:18:43,543 --> 00:18:44,544
BOY 2:
Any day.
267
00:18:44,711 --> 00:18:47,547
Uh, he did it.
268
00:18:49,924 --> 00:18:51,384
[SINK SHATTERS
THEN MAN GRUNTS]
269
00:18:51,551 --> 00:18:53,970
- I'm gonna kill you.
BOY 3: Get him, Lance.
270
00:18:54,137 --> 00:18:56,139
- Lance, stop it.
BOY 4: Kick his ass, Lance.
271
00:18:56,306 --> 00:18:58,725
HAWKING:
Fight, fight, fight.
272
00:19:04,898 --> 00:19:06,566
[CROWD GASPING
AND MURMURING]
273
00:19:06,733 --> 00:19:08,485
[GRUNTING]
274
00:19:08,652 --> 00:19:10,236
Damn.
275
00:19:11,571 --> 00:19:12,906
Ooh.
276
00:19:20,914 --> 00:19:22,248
[SCREAMING]
277
00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:24,709
Get off.
278
00:19:24,876 --> 00:19:26,878
Get-- Get off me.
279
00:19:28,713 --> 00:19:30,090
[GRUNTS]
280
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,925
[BEES BUZZING]
281
00:19:32,676 --> 00:19:35,178
HAWKING:
Ow. Ow. Ow.
282
00:19:39,599 --> 00:19:42,394
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
283
00:19:47,774 --> 00:19:49,442
[SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE]
284
00:19:51,986 --> 00:19:53,988
[WORKERS CHATTERING]
285
00:20:15,176 --> 00:20:16,594
[GRUNTS]
286
00:20:28,064 --> 00:20:29,232
[MEOWS]
287
00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:30,567
[TRUCK HORN BLARING]
288
00:20:30,734 --> 00:20:32,152
DRIVER:
Stop. Stop. Hey.
289
00:20:36,406 --> 00:20:38,283
Get out of the way. No brakes.
290
00:20:40,827 --> 00:20:41,995
[HORN CONTINUES BLARING]
291
00:20:42,162 --> 00:20:43,788
Get out of the way.
292
00:20:43,955 --> 00:20:45,665
- Aah!
- Ma'am, look out.
293
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:49,753
[TRUCK CRASHES]
294
00:20:51,588 --> 00:20:53,173
WOMAN:
Are you okay?
295
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,008
[MOANS]
296
00:21:02,515 --> 00:21:03,516
[GRUNTS]
297
00:21:04,976 --> 00:21:06,644
- How did you--?
MAN: I can't believe it.
298
00:21:06,811 --> 00:21:09,439
- You just saved that old lady's life.
- Amazing.
299
00:21:09,606 --> 00:21:12,025
I-- I guess.
If I hadn't pushed her out of the way,
300
00:21:12,192 --> 00:21:14,194
she would've die-- Ah.
301
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,361
[MACHINE GRINDING]
302
00:21:15,528 --> 00:21:17,030
[DOG WHIMPERS]
303
00:21:17,197 --> 00:21:18,198
[GROANING]
304
00:21:25,038 --> 00:21:29,334
- You should be really proud of yourself.
- You're some kind of hero.
305
00:21:29,501 --> 00:21:30,794
If you could excuse me.
306
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,796
[RAPID FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
307
00:21:32,962 --> 00:21:34,506
[NAILS THUDDING]
308
00:21:34,672 --> 00:21:37,759
There we go. Awfully nice of you
to help me out here, Trey.
309
00:21:37,926 --> 00:21:40,345
Oh, no problem.
I'm waiting on Rick, anyway, so...
310
00:21:43,223 --> 00:21:45,475
- Ooh.
My God.
311
00:21:46,559 --> 00:21:48,978
- How did you do that?
RICK: Uh...
312
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:51,397
It's easier than it looks.
313
00:21:54,275 --> 00:21:55,902
[SCREAMING]
314
00:21:56,361 --> 00:21:58,029
No, I don't think so.
315
00:21:58,196 --> 00:22:01,074
- Why don't you tell me what's going on?
- Aah!
316
00:22:01,574 --> 00:22:03,827
All right. Well, there is something, okay?
317
00:22:03,993 --> 00:22:06,329
But you have to keep it a secret.
318
00:22:07,038 --> 00:22:08,414
Uh...
319
00:22:08,623 --> 00:22:12,377
I think I have superpowers.
320
00:22:12,544 --> 00:22:14,379
I find that hard to believe.
321
00:22:14,546 --> 00:22:17,465
All right, all right, how about this?
Throw as many punches as you want.
322
00:22:17,632 --> 00:22:20,176
I bet you 100 bucks you don't land one.
323
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,763
ALBERT:
Easy money.
324
00:22:23,930 --> 00:22:24,931
[MONEY RUSTLES]
325
00:22:25,682 --> 00:22:28,017
- What else can you do?
- Well, I don't know.
326
00:22:28,184 --> 00:22:29,769
I-- I was bitten by a dragonfly.
327
00:22:29,936 --> 00:22:33,439
Some dragonflies have armored skin.
328
00:22:33,606 --> 00:22:35,024
I wonder if my skin is--?
329
00:22:35,191 --> 00:22:36,651
[YELLS]
330
00:22:37,610 --> 00:22:40,113
Well, good thing that worked.
331
00:22:41,114 --> 00:22:42,782
So you do have superpowers.
332
00:22:42,949 --> 00:22:45,118
We could be a team.
333
00:22:45,285 --> 00:22:47,537
We gonna get fame, money--
334
00:22:47,704 --> 00:22:50,039
- Don't forget the bitches.
- There's not gonna be fame
335
00:22:50,206 --> 00:22:52,709
and there's not gonna be bitches, okay?
336
00:22:52,876 --> 00:22:56,129
I didn't ask for any of this.
I just wanna be like everybody else.
337
00:22:56,296 --> 00:22:58,423
That isn't what your parents
wanted for you.
338
00:23:00,008 --> 00:23:03,052
- You're not my father.
- But I love you like your father did.
339
00:23:03,219 --> 00:23:05,054
I believe in you like your father did.
340
00:23:05,221 --> 00:23:09,309
I had sex with your mother
just like your father did.
341
00:23:09,475 --> 00:23:11,769
You'll never understand me.
342
00:23:11,936 --> 00:23:13,605
Never.
343
00:23:13,771 --> 00:23:15,148
[DOOR SLAMS]
344
00:23:26,826 --> 00:23:29,621
ALBERT: That isn't what your parents
wanted for you.
345
00:23:33,666 --> 00:23:36,169
What a great performance.
346
00:23:36,336 --> 00:23:38,171
Well, Rick, did you enjoy the opera?
347
00:23:38,338 --> 00:23:39,464
[BOTTLES RATTLING]
348
00:23:39,631 --> 00:23:41,841
Son, something troubling you?
349
00:23:42,175 --> 00:23:45,178
It's so unfair. They have nothing.
350
00:23:45,345 --> 00:23:49,015
- I want to change things.
- And you will.
351
00:23:49,223 --> 00:23:52,310
One day, Rick,
people will look to you to be a hero.
352
00:23:52,477 --> 00:23:55,146
When that day comes,
will you be ready?
353
00:23:55,313 --> 00:23:56,648
Give me your wallet.
354
00:23:56,814 --> 00:23:57,899
[JULIA GASPS]
355
00:23:58,066 --> 00:23:59,400
That too.
356
00:23:59,567 --> 00:24:01,361
[BOTH GRUNTING]
357
00:24:01,527 --> 00:24:04,030
BLAINE:
People will look to you to be a hero.
358
00:24:04,197 --> 00:24:07,700
When that day comes,
will you be ready?
359
00:24:09,327 --> 00:24:10,662
Rick!
360
00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:13,206
[GRUNTING]
361
00:24:14,707 --> 00:24:15,917
Ah!
362
00:24:18,670 --> 00:24:19,879
Ow.
363
00:24:22,548 --> 00:24:24,258
Huh? Unh!
364
00:24:24,509 --> 00:24:26,260
Rick, please.
365
00:24:27,011 --> 00:24:28,596
[SCREAMS]
366
00:24:36,270 --> 00:24:38,731
- Dad.
- Oh, Rick.
367
00:24:38,898 --> 00:24:40,066
- I'm dying.
- No.
368
00:24:40,233 --> 00:24:42,944
Don't worry.
My brother, Albert, will take you in.
369
00:24:43,111 --> 00:24:46,406
Rick, the money, it's all yours now.
370
00:24:46,572 --> 00:24:49,742
Sell all shares of a small company
called Google.
371
00:24:49,909 --> 00:24:53,746
It's worthless. Invest heavily in Enron.
372
00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:57,333
Rick, I have something for you.
373
00:24:57,500 --> 00:24:58,960
Reach into my coat pocket.
374
00:24:59,919 --> 00:25:00,920
[GUNSHOT]
375
00:25:01,087 --> 00:25:02,922
The other coat pocket.
376
00:25:03,089 --> 00:25:05,299
[GROANS THEN GRUNTS]
377
00:25:05,466 --> 00:25:07,051
God.
378
00:25:08,428 --> 00:25:10,263
BLAINE:
That ring was my father's
379
00:25:10,430 --> 00:25:11,723
and his father's before him.
380
00:25:12,390 --> 00:25:13,433
Earn it, Rick.
381
00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:15,768
Be a hero. Claim your--
382
00:25:15,935 --> 00:25:18,104
[GAGGING]
383
00:25:18,896 --> 00:25:20,023
[GRUNTS]
384
00:25:20,773 --> 00:25:22,692
--Destiny.
385
00:25:22,859 --> 00:25:24,193
RICK:
Dad.
386
00:25:29,073 --> 00:25:31,200
I'm no superhero.
387
00:25:31,367 --> 00:25:32,785
I'm nobody.
388
00:25:33,786 --> 00:25:35,329
Ah!
389
00:25:35,496 --> 00:25:36,539
MAN:
Shut up back there!
390
00:25:36,706 --> 00:25:38,291
[MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
391
00:25:38,458 --> 00:25:40,626
[CLATTERING
THEN WOMAN SCREAMS]
392
00:25:40,793 --> 00:25:43,171
[GLASS BREAKING]
393
00:25:43,546 --> 00:25:45,298
[MACHINE GUN FIRING]
394
00:25:45,882 --> 00:25:47,550
[CAT SCREECHES]
395
00:25:50,470 --> 00:25:51,637
[SIGHS]
396
00:25:52,305 --> 00:25:54,724
- Are you okay?
- What, you heard that?
397
00:25:54,891 --> 00:25:57,935
You're nothing but an ugly,
ungrateful little whore.
398
00:25:58,102 --> 00:26:00,146
Just like your mother.
399
00:26:00,313 --> 00:26:02,607
- Who was that?
- My mother.
400
00:26:02,774 --> 00:26:05,860
Listen, about what happened
at school this morning, I--
401
00:26:06,027 --> 00:26:08,988
- You really freaked us out.
- I'm going through a tough time right now.
402
00:26:09,155 --> 00:26:12,492
Me too. My parents,
they want me to go to college,
403
00:26:13,826 --> 00:26:15,161
but I wanna be a dancer.
404
00:26:15,620 --> 00:26:16,829
I believe in you.
405
00:26:17,789 --> 00:26:19,499
You really do, don't you?
406
00:26:19,665 --> 00:26:22,335
I wish I could say the same for Lance.
407
00:26:22,502 --> 00:26:23,961
I don't know. Is he the right one?
408
00:26:24,128 --> 00:26:26,672
Or am I just dating him
to rebel against my father?
409
00:26:27,298 --> 00:26:28,591
He doesn't want any boy near me.
410
00:26:28,758 --> 00:26:29,801
[FENCE BUZZING]
411
00:26:29,967 --> 00:26:31,469
That's why he installed
the electrified fence.
412
00:26:31,636 --> 00:26:34,514
Well, we'll see.
You can't run from your destiny.
413
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,516
- Right?
- Right.
414
00:26:36,682 --> 00:26:37,850
[CAR HORN HONKING]
415
00:26:38,017 --> 00:26:41,604
- Jill, let's go.
- Nice car.
416
00:26:42,647 --> 00:26:46,025
Maybe one day you could
take me for a ride in your car.
417
00:26:46,692 --> 00:26:48,319
Uh...
418
00:26:50,696 --> 00:26:53,199
Uh, yeah.
419
00:26:53,366 --> 00:26:54,575
Yeah, definitely.
420
00:26:58,955 --> 00:27:00,957
[CHIRPING]
421
00:27:01,124 --> 00:27:02,583
Oh.
422
00:27:03,626 --> 00:27:05,044
Lovebirds.
423
00:27:28,901 --> 00:27:29,944
[MOUSE CLICKS]
424
00:27:31,237 --> 00:27:33,573
Rick, this is Professor Xavier.
425
00:27:34,574 --> 00:27:36,826
Your powers are growing,
but you can't control it.
426
00:27:36,993 --> 00:27:38,911
It's important that you--
427
00:27:40,079 --> 00:27:43,624
Become a hero,
train yourself to fly--
428
00:27:43,791 --> 00:27:44,834
[BEEPING]
429
00:27:45,001 --> 00:27:46,377
In your ass because--
430
00:27:47,587 --> 00:27:49,046
Squatting on a glass table--
431
00:27:50,381 --> 00:27:53,467
Two girls, one cup--
432
00:27:54,427 --> 00:27:56,429
You know what to do.
433
00:28:06,898 --> 00:28:10,568
RICK: This shouldn't take long.
- Well, I'll be waiting right here.
434
00:28:10,735 --> 00:28:12,111
WOMAN:
Hello, Mr. Bailey.
435
00:28:12,278 --> 00:28:14,280
I've reviewed your request for a loan,
Mr. Riker,
436
00:28:14,447 --> 00:28:16,741
but with no job, no credit history,
437
00:28:16,908 --> 00:28:18,951
I'm afraid I have to say no.
438
00:28:19,118 --> 00:28:20,453
But what about this?
439
00:28:21,621 --> 00:28:23,372
THOMPSON:
That was last month.
440
00:28:24,498 --> 00:28:26,792
This new promotion's
proving quite popular.
441
00:28:26,959 --> 00:28:28,628
Look, I need to buy a car.
442
00:28:28,794 --> 00:28:31,380
Frankly, you're the worst applicant
we've ever had.
443
00:28:31,547 --> 00:28:32,965
Thanks for the loan, Mr. Thompson.
444
00:28:33,132 --> 00:28:34,592
[LAUGHING]
445
00:28:35,676 --> 00:28:40,264
This is a good boy.
There must be something I could do.
446
00:28:40,431 --> 00:28:41,724
Ma'am,
447
00:28:41,891 --> 00:28:45,019
rubbing my crotch under the desk
won't change my mind.
448
00:28:45,186 --> 00:28:46,938
I'm not rubbing your crotch.
449
00:28:48,522 --> 00:28:50,149
I really need that car.
450
00:28:50,316 --> 00:28:52,151
I don't see how that's my problem.
451
00:28:52,318 --> 00:28:53,486
[GUNSHOT AND
PEOPLE SCREAMING]
452
00:28:53,653 --> 00:28:56,656
This is a robbery. Nobody move.
Everybody stay down. Stay down.
453
00:28:56,822 --> 00:28:58,157
- Get down.
ROBBER: Come on, lady.
454
00:28:58,324 --> 00:29:00,993
- Oh!
ROBBER: Come on, move it. Let's go.
455
00:29:04,830 --> 00:29:07,625
Oh, hey. I made the same mistake before
when I came in.
456
00:29:07,792 --> 00:29:09,293
Thanks.
457
00:29:11,045 --> 00:29:13,714
You idiot.
You let him get away with our money.
458
00:29:14,340 --> 00:29:16,676
I don't see how that's my problem.
459
00:29:17,134 --> 00:29:19,136
[GUNSHOTS]
460
00:29:20,012 --> 00:29:21,973
MAN 1:
Oh, man.
461
00:29:22,139 --> 00:29:23,182
MAN 2:
Wow.
462
00:29:23,975 --> 00:29:26,686
- Over here. You've gotta see this.
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
463
00:29:26,852 --> 00:29:28,854
Let me through. Let me through.
464
00:29:29,021 --> 00:29:30,356
[ACCORDION PLAYING]
465
00:29:30,523 --> 00:29:32,525
[GIBBERING]
466
00:29:33,234 --> 00:29:36,779
Oh, thank God. I thought
something terrible had happened.
467
00:29:36,946 --> 00:29:39,490
Well, an old guy did get shot over there.
468
00:29:42,660 --> 00:29:43,703
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
469
00:29:43,869 --> 00:29:46,539
Uncle Albert. Just try to breathe.
470
00:29:46,706 --> 00:29:50,001
I can't. You're kneeling on my balls.
471
00:29:50,167 --> 00:29:51,877
Oh, sorry.
472
00:29:52,044 --> 00:29:54,338
Rick, listen.
473
00:29:54,505 --> 00:29:57,341
With great power comes--
474
00:29:58,050 --> 00:29:59,385
Great responsibility?
475
00:29:59,552 --> 00:30:01,554
I was gonna stick with "bitches,"
476
00:30:01,721 --> 00:30:04,056
but if you want to be a virgin
for the rest of your life...
477
00:30:04,223 --> 00:30:07,935
- Uncle Albert.
ALBERT [MUFFLED]: My balls.
478
00:30:13,441 --> 00:30:15,443
[BEEPING]
479
00:30:15,609 --> 00:30:16,944
LOU:
Very good.
480
00:30:19,405 --> 00:30:21,240
[ALARM BEEPING]
481
00:30:23,784 --> 00:30:26,287
[LOU GRUNTING
THEN WOMAN GASPS]
482
00:30:26,454 --> 00:30:28,581
Oh, God. Mr. Landers.
483
00:30:30,499 --> 00:30:32,335
[WOMAN GASPING]
484
00:30:42,636 --> 00:30:43,929
Oh, no.
485
00:30:45,389 --> 00:30:46,599
There we go.
486
00:30:46,766 --> 00:30:47,808
[GRUNTING]
487
00:30:47,975 --> 00:30:51,979
Hide the body. Gotta hide the body.
Yeah. Hide the body.
488
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:55,900
Get in.
489
00:31:03,115 --> 00:31:05,618
Okay, I come back.
490
00:31:10,664 --> 00:31:12,666
[BEEPING]
491
00:31:22,093 --> 00:31:23,302
Jill?
492
00:31:24,595 --> 00:31:26,347
I came as soon as I heard.
493
00:31:26,514 --> 00:31:29,350
- This is all my fault.
- Rick, it was an armed robbery.
494
00:31:29,517 --> 00:31:31,018
There was nothing you could've done.
495
00:31:31,185 --> 00:31:33,396
I could've stopped that guy
before he shot my uncle.
496
00:31:33,646 --> 00:31:35,022
- Rick Riker?
- Yes?
497
00:31:35,189 --> 00:31:36,273
Dr. Whitby.
498
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,776
- What brought you here today?
- My uncle.
499
00:31:38,943 --> 00:31:41,821
- Your uncle brought you?
- No, he's gravely injured.
500
00:31:41,987 --> 00:31:42,988
Well, then he shouldn't be driving.
501
00:31:43,155 --> 00:31:45,866
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to perform a breast exam.
502
00:31:46,033 --> 00:31:48,327
Doctor, please.
Is my uncle gonna survive?
503
00:31:48,494 --> 00:31:51,038
I'm not a betting man,
but if you wanna put some money on it,
504
00:31:51,205 --> 00:31:53,332
- I'll take "dead in a week."
- Oh, my God.
505
00:31:53,499 --> 00:31:55,709
No, it's all right.
It's a normal emotional reaction,
506
00:31:55,876 --> 00:31:58,212
but this should take the edge off of it.
507
00:31:58,379 --> 00:32:00,423
Here we go. Nice and easy.
508
00:32:00,589 --> 00:32:02,591
That's your vein.
509
00:32:02,758 --> 00:32:05,094
- Yes, I know...
- First my parents, now this?
510
00:32:05,261 --> 00:32:06,554
[WHITBY THUDS]
511
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,181
I'm nothing but a screw-up.
512
00:32:09,348 --> 00:32:11,725
Yes, your life has been
a testament to that.
513
00:32:11,892 --> 00:32:14,520
But your uncle believed in you
and so do I.
514
00:32:14,687 --> 00:32:18,691
It's never too late to become
the person you're meant to be.
515
00:32:24,196 --> 00:32:25,531
MAN:
Rick.
516
00:32:27,408 --> 00:32:29,034
Rick.
517
00:32:32,955 --> 00:32:33,998
Hello, Rick.
518
00:32:34,165 --> 00:32:36,625
Who are you
and how do you know my name?
519
00:32:36,792 --> 00:32:38,919
- I'm a psychic.
- Prove it.
520
00:32:39,086 --> 00:32:42,798
Think of any number
between one and a million
521
00:32:42,965 --> 00:32:44,550
and I'll tell you what it is.
522
00:32:45,509 --> 00:32:48,554
- Nine.
- Not out loud, dumb-ass.
523
00:32:48,721 --> 00:32:52,641
Follow me. Dumb son of a bitch.
524
00:32:53,225 --> 00:32:57,188
XAVIER: My name is Professor Xavier
and this is my school.
525
00:32:57,354 --> 00:33:02,318
I started it to help people
with special talents like yours.
526
00:33:02,485 --> 00:33:05,279
Our students here learn to harness
their incredible talents.
527
00:33:05,446 --> 00:33:07,490
And use them to advance
the common good.
528
00:33:07,656 --> 00:33:08,908
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
529
00:33:09,492 --> 00:33:10,910
[LAUGHING]
530
00:33:11,327 --> 00:33:12,870
- Ah. Ow.
GIRL: Heh, heh.
531
00:33:13,037 --> 00:33:15,664
Here we have children
who can walk through walls.
532
00:33:16,415 --> 00:33:18,876
We have children who think
they can walk through walls.
533
00:33:19,043 --> 00:33:20,085
[GRUNTS THEN GROANS]
534
00:33:20,252 --> 00:33:25,007
Some faces may be familiar,
like Wolverine.
535
00:33:25,174 --> 00:33:28,844
Other mutants you probably
didn't know existed, like Sneezo.
536
00:33:30,095 --> 00:33:32,765
Most of our students
are born with their powers.
537
00:33:32,932 --> 00:33:36,268
Some, like you, gain them later in life.
538
00:33:36,435 --> 00:33:38,521
- Oh, is that--?
XAVIER: Yes, it is.
539
00:33:38,687 --> 00:33:42,525
When he came to this school,
he weighed 130 lbs.
540
00:33:42,691 --> 00:33:44,818
Take enough roids,
you could do anything.
541
00:33:44,985 --> 00:33:46,153
[YELLS]
542
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,614
Back up off those pills, Barry.
543
00:33:48,781 --> 00:33:50,449
[TOILET FLUSHES]
544
00:33:54,036 --> 00:33:57,873
- Why have you brought me here?
- You have the potential to be the best.
545
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,542
But I can't even fly.
546
00:33:59,708 --> 00:34:03,754
Once you understand
the true nature of heroism, you will fly.
547
00:34:03,921 --> 00:34:07,091
But first I must teach you
the secret to becoming a superhero.
548
00:34:07,258 --> 00:34:10,469
Hey, Storm. You look like
you putting on a little weight.
549
00:34:10,636 --> 00:34:11,804
[WIND HOWLING]
550
00:34:11,971 --> 00:34:13,138
[GROANS]
551
00:34:14,807 --> 00:34:17,309
RICK: So, professor, about this secret--
- Well, you see--
552
00:34:17,476 --> 00:34:19,478
WOMAN: Xavier.
- Aw, shit.
553
00:34:20,604 --> 00:34:23,899
Well? You wanna explain
why I found her hiding in your closet?
554
00:34:24,066 --> 00:34:25,776
But, pumpkin, I don't see nobody.
555
00:34:25,943 --> 00:34:28,153
- Oh, you don't?
GIRL: Ow!
556
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:29,863
RICK:
Invisible Girl?
557
00:34:30,030 --> 00:34:31,699
Apparently not invisible enough.
558
00:34:31,865 --> 00:34:34,702
If you knew how to take care of your man,
this wouldn't have happened.
559
00:34:34,868 --> 00:34:36,787
- No, she didn't.
- Oh, this bitch is crazy.
560
00:34:36,954 --> 00:34:39,748
I'm gonna have to whip your ass.
You don't say no disrespectful--
561
00:34:39,915 --> 00:34:42,626
INVISIBLE GIRL: What are you gonna do?
I'm everywhere, sweet cheeks.
562
00:34:42,793 --> 00:34:44,128
- Whoa.
INVISIBLE GIRL: Ow!
563
00:34:44,295 --> 00:34:45,921
[LAUGHS]
564
00:34:46,088 --> 00:34:47,673
MRS. XAVIER: That all you got?
- Yeah.
565
00:34:48,173 --> 00:34:50,676
Now what?
Now how about that, Invisi-bitch?
566
00:34:50,843 --> 00:34:53,012
Yeah, whatever. I'm out of here.
567
00:34:53,178 --> 00:34:56,473
How could you do this to me?
To your kids?
568
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:58,809
To your newborn baby?
569
00:34:58,976 --> 00:35:00,644
How do I know that baby's even mine?
570
00:35:00,811 --> 00:35:03,272
Because he can do this.
571
00:35:03,439 --> 00:35:04,690
Shit!
572
00:35:04,857 --> 00:35:06,817
[THUD THEN XAVIER GRUNTS]
573
00:35:06,984 --> 00:35:08,569
Aw, man.
574
00:35:08,736 --> 00:35:11,405
Now I'm never gonna know the secret
to becoming a superhero.
575
00:35:11,572 --> 00:35:14,408
You wanna know the secret?
Come close.
576
00:35:15,868 --> 00:35:17,286
[GRUNTS]
577
00:35:17,453 --> 00:35:19,496
Make a costume, shithead.
578
00:35:19,663 --> 00:35:22,916
I swear to God.
They get dumber and dumber every year.
579
00:35:24,209 --> 00:35:26,378
A costume.
580
00:35:57,368 --> 00:35:59,036
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
581
00:35:59,328 --> 00:36:01,330
Rick, you, uh...
582
00:36:01,997 --> 00:36:03,624
Oh, my God.
583
00:36:05,209 --> 00:36:07,086
Damn. Oh.
584
00:36:07,252 --> 00:36:09,338
Dude, you're like
a real superhero, man.
585
00:36:10,255 --> 00:36:12,758
I love the mask.
How you breathe in it, though?
586
00:36:14,718 --> 00:36:15,761
[WHEEZING]
587
00:36:15,928 --> 00:36:17,096
TREY:
What's that sound?
588
00:36:17,388 --> 00:36:20,182
You put some kind of air intake
in the mask.
589
00:36:20,349 --> 00:36:22,267
Boy, you better--
590
00:36:22,434 --> 00:36:25,270
Now, I'm assuming that the material
is see-through, right? Yeah.
591
00:36:25,437 --> 00:36:27,606
Dude, I'm gonna tell you something, Rick.
This is good.
592
00:36:27,773 --> 00:36:31,151
I'm impressed. Like, really impressed.
593
00:36:41,495 --> 00:36:43,288
MAN:
Hey, that's my spot.
594
00:36:43,455 --> 00:36:45,332
You're sitting on my gargoyle. Move it.
595
00:36:45,499 --> 00:36:47,626
- Excuse me?
- What are you even doing here?
596
00:36:47,793 --> 00:36:49,962
I'm looking seriously out over the city.
597
00:36:50,129 --> 00:36:51,547
Well, that's what I do here.
598
00:36:51,714 --> 00:36:54,133
So if you're not moving,
I guess we're gonna have to share.
599
00:36:54,299 --> 00:36:55,467
Uh, okay, fine.
600
00:36:55,634 --> 00:36:57,970
- Okay, okay.
- Okay, okay.
601
00:36:59,012 --> 00:37:01,223
- Uh, I can't perch like this.
- God, me neither.
602
00:37:02,141 --> 00:37:04,017
- What's your name?
- John Storm.
603
00:37:04,184 --> 00:37:06,311
Dragonfly. So, what's your power?
604
00:37:06,478 --> 00:37:09,064
What's my power? Stand back.
605
00:37:11,191 --> 00:37:14,153
- Flame on.
- Whoa.
606
00:37:14,319 --> 00:37:16,447
Ha. Huh?
607
00:37:16,613 --> 00:37:17,865
[SCREAMING]
608
00:37:18,031 --> 00:37:19,324
I'm on fire!
609
00:37:19,491 --> 00:37:22,369
Get a blanket or something. Holy shit!
610
00:37:22,578 --> 00:37:25,289
It's not working.
Get the fire extinguisher.
611
00:37:25,456 --> 00:37:26,790
[GRUNTING]
612
00:37:27,249 --> 00:37:29,001
Ow! No. Aah!
613
00:37:29,168 --> 00:37:31,420
God. You idiot, stop.
614
00:37:31,587 --> 00:37:32,963
What's wrong with you?
615
00:37:34,006 --> 00:37:35,674
[SCREAMING]
616
00:37:41,346 --> 00:37:42,681
[THUDS THEN CAR ALARM BLARING]
617
00:37:42,848 --> 00:37:44,975
Oh! Sorry, my bad.
618
00:37:50,022 --> 00:37:54,193
XAVIER: Rick, once you understand
the true nature of heroism,
619
00:37:54,359 --> 00:37:56,195
you will fly.
620
00:37:59,281 --> 00:38:00,324
[THUDS]
621
00:38:00,491 --> 00:38:02,034
Aw, shit.
622
00:38:04,912 --> 00:38:05,954
[SCREAMS]
623
00:38:07,164 --> 00:38:08,499
[GRUNTING]
624
00:38:20,928 --> 00:38:22,679
This Dragonfly,
625
00:38:23,931 --> 00:38:25,390
he's not even a hero. He's not--
626
00:38:25,557 --> 00:38:28,143
I have-- I have-- I have just a-- I have--
627
00:38:28,310 --> 00:38:29,353
[CHUCKLING]
628
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:33,232
He can't-- He can't even fly.
629
00:38:34,316 --> 00:38:37,027
The Dragonfly can't even fly.
630
00:38:38,195 --> 00:38:39,988
[LAUGHING]
631
00:38:40,155 --> 00:38:42,741
I can fly, okay?
632
00:38:43,617 --> 00:38:45,494
I can fly.
633
00:38:45,661 --> 00:38:49,414
This just in: Tom Cruise is dead.
634
00:38:50,123 --> 00:38:52,334
LOU:
Strom, do you have my test results?
635
00:38:52,626 --> 00:38:55,838
I'm afraid you have to kill each day
636
00:38:56,004 --> 00:38:57,756
to live each day.
637
00:38:58,882 --> 00:39:00,884
Unless you had some cerillium.
638
00:39:02,052 --> 00:39:03,095
Take a look.
639
00:39:03,554 --> 00:39:05,222
Hawking's lab is in the physics building.
640
00:39:05,389 --> 00:39:06,640
I could just walk right in.
641
00:39:06,932 --> 00:39:08,892
You're going to steal cerillium?
642
00:39:09,059 --> 00:39:10,644
No, not me.
643
00:39:10,811 --> 00:39:12,646
But perhaps there's someone
inside me.
644
00:39:12,813 --> 00:39:16,942
Someone who will, at any cost, survive!
645
00:39:17,109 --> 00:39:18,277
[LAUGHING]
646
00:39:18,443 --> 00:39:20,362
Ow. Oh, glass in my eye.
647
00:39:20,529 --> 00:39:22,614
Glass in my eye. Shit.
648
00:39:22,781 --> 00:39:24,741
- Does it hurt?
- Uh, yeah, it hurts.
649
00:39:24,908 --> 00:39:28,287
Well, if you could spread--
Spread them with your fingers.
650
00:39:28,453 --> 00:39:29,955
Push your lids with your fingers.
651
00:39:30,122 --> 00:39:32,165
- Two fingers.
- Are your fingers clean?
652
00:39:32,332 --> 00:39:34,418
That's it. And roll your eyeball around.
653
00:39:34,585 --> 00:39:36,128
- And then push it.
- I'm rolling it.
654
00:39:36,295 --> 00:39:38,463
Dig it out with another piece of glass.
655
00:39:38,630 --> 00:39:40,257
Are you fricking insane?
656
00:39:40,424 --> 00:39:42,801
I'll get the tweezers.
657
00:39:43,677 --> 00:39:46,138
MAN: Read about the Dragonfly,
world's greatest hero.
658
00:39:46,305 --> 00:39:47,806
- Right here?
- Right here, yup.
659
00:39:47,973 --> 00:39:49,308
Read all about it.
660
00:40:01,153 --> 00:40:02,654
MAN:
No, you listen to me.
661
00:40:02,821 --> 00:40:05,991
I want that story on my desk
or you're fired.
662
00:40:06,158 --> 00:40:09,161
- Who the hell are you?
- I was wondering if you've got a job for--
663
00:40:09,328 --> 00:40:12,664
Job? How dare you come in here
and ask me for a job?
664
00:40:12,831 --> 00:40:15,667
I'm the editor in chief.
I know the mayor of Venus.
665
00:40:15,834 --> 00:40:18,545
Hamburgers can see the future.
Rosie O'Donnell--
666
00:40:18,712 --> 00:40:21,465
Sorry about this. We share the building
with a mental hospital.
667
00:40:21,632 --> 00:40:24,259
Bad news, boss. We're nowhere
on those Dragonfly photos.
668
00:40:24,426 --> 00:40:26,011
EDITOR:
Damn. Those were tomorrow's lead.
669
00:40:27,304 --> 00:40:28,847
What about these?
670
00:40:31,850 --> 00:40:36,521
EDITOR: Wow, it's almost like
you're the Dragonfly.
671
00:40:36,688 --> 00:40:39,608
Uh, no, no, no. See? Look.
672
00:40:40,484 --> 00:40:42,027
Now that's photography.
673
00:40:42,194 --> 00:40:45,322
Just heard on the scanner: some kind of
police standoff at Empire University.
674
00:40:45,739 --> 00:40:48,241
We'll need photos.
Kid, I want you to--
675
00:40:49,368 --> 00:40:50,869
Where'd he go?
676
00:40:53,872 --> 00:40:56,208
[SIREN BLARING]
677
00:40:57,042 --> 00:40:58,752
COP:
Right, let's go.
678
00:41:05,467 --> 00:41:08,303
This is the chief of police.
We have the building surrounded.
679
00:41:08,470 --> 00:41:10,097
Come out with your hands up.
680
00:41:10,263 --> 00:41:12,391
[CERILLIUM GUN POWERING UP]
681
00:41:13,433 --> 00:41:14,768
What the hell is that?
682
00:41:15,894 --> 00:41:17,938
[CROWD SCREAMING]
683
00:41:19,940 --> 00:41:22,234
[FOOTSTEPS THUDDING]
684
00:41:29,408 --> 00:41:32,035
I am the Hourglass.
685
00:41:33,078 --> 00:41:35,080
And your time is up.
686
00:41:36,289 --> 00:41:38,291
[GRUNTING]
687
00:41:43,088 --> 00:41:46,299
WOMAN: The Hourglass is moving.
Get him, Dragonfly.
688
00:41:52,014 --> 00:41:53,265
It's useless to resist.
689
00:41:53,432 --> 00:41:55,100
I'll fight you to my last breath.
690
00:41:55,267 --> 00:41:59,354
Like the sands of time,
I am unceasing and relentless.
691
00:41:59,521 --> 00:42:01,523
Evil never triumphs, Hourglass.
692
00:42:01,690 --> 00:42:04,568
You'll pay for your crimes
and justice will be--
693
00:42:04,735 --> 00:42:08,113
Stop. Stop. Stop.
694
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:09,573
[GURGLING]
695
00:42:09,740 --> 00:42:12,284
- Are you okay?
- No.
696
00:42:12,451 --> 00:42:14,119
[VOMITING]
697
00:42:18,123 --> 00:42:19,916
Titanium blades.
698
00:42:20,083 --> 00:42:21,710
They cut through diamonds.
699
00:42:21,877 --> 00:42:24,212
I'm not wearing any diamonds.
700
00:42:26,965 --> 00:42:28,633
Ooh, ow.
701
00:42:29,718 --> 00:42:30,761
Ow.
702
00:42:30,927 --> 00:42:32,387
[GRUNTS]
703
00:42:32,846 --> 00:42:35,640
I wish I could stay longer, Dragonfly.
704
00:42:35,807 --> 00:42:38,643
But I just don't have the time.
705
00:42:38,810 --> 00:42:40,979
[EXPLOSION]
706
00:42:44,983 --> 00:42:48,528
Titanium blades. Looks like someone
found your weakness.
707
00:42:48,695 --> 00:42:50,113
It's not my weakness.
708
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,408
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
Your weakness is you can't fly.
709
00:42:53,575 --> 00:42:56,036
- Maybe if you had a partner--
- I don't need help.
710
00:43:00,290 --> 00:43:02,667
I'm fine all by myself.
711
00:43:02,834 --> 00:43:05,045
She means a lot to you, doesn't she?
712
00:43:05,212 --> 00:43:07,756
What? Oh, no.
713
00:43:07,923 --> 00:43:09,966
I mean, she's with someone else.
714
00:43:10,133 --> 00:43:11,676
Well, maybe that's for the best.
715
00:43:11,843 --> 00:43:15,972
After all, it could be dangerous, you know,
being the girlfriend of the Dragonfly.
716
00:43:16,139 --> 00:43:18,308
I don't know what to do, Aunt Lucille.
717
00:43:18,475 --> 00:43:20,185
- I love her.
LUCILLE: So be it.
718
00:43:20,352 --> 00:43:22,104
But remember, to get to you,
719
00:43:22,270 --> 00:43:25,816
your enemies will attack the people
you care for the most.
720
00:43:25,982 --> 00:43:29,528
Be careful not to hurt the ones you love.
721
00:43:32,489 --> 00:43:34,157
CHIEF [ON TV]:
Whoever this Dragonfly is,
722
00:43:34,324 --> 00:43:35,826
he's in over his head.
723
00:43:35,992 --> 00:43:37,619
We don't need so-called superheroes.
724
00:43:37,786 --> 00:43:40,705
What Empire City needs is more cops.
725
00:43:40,872 --> 00:43:42,207
And a Hooters.
726
00:43:52,217 --> 00:43:53,593
Jill.
727
00:43:54,386 --> 00:43:57,389
- Rick?
- I heard you were auditioning so...
728
00:43:57,556 --> 00:43:59,266
Oh, they're beautiful.
729
00:43:59,432 --> 00:44:02,269
God, you are so supportive.
730
00:44:02,435 --> 00:44:05,063
Why can't Lance be more like you?
731
00:44:06,731 --> 00:44:09,484
There's something you're not telling me,
isn't there?
732
00:44:09,651 --> 00:44:10,902
Something secret.
733
00:44:11,069 --> 00:44:13,738
Something locked away deep inside.
734
00:44:15,574 --> 00:44:17,409
Well, there is...
735
00:44:19,035 --> 00:44:22,539
LUCILLE:
Keep your identity a secret, Rick.
736
00:44:24,082 --> 00:44:26,877
TREY:
Dude, you're like a real superhero, man.
737
00:44:27,043 --> 00:44:30,297
ALBERT: Once a month
you'll bleed from your vagina.
738
00:44:33,216 --> 00:44:34,718
I...
739
00:44:36,595 --> 00:44:37,929
Nothing.
740
00:44:39,097 --> 00:44:40,765
Nothing?
741
00:44:45,270 --> 00:44:46,771
Well, I should go.
742
00:44:48,857 --> 00:44:50,984
You're a good friend.
743
00:44:53,612 --> 00:44:54,988
THUG 1:
Hey, check this out.
744
00:44:55,155 --> 00:44:56,823
[THUG 2 WHISTLING]
745
00:44:56,990 --> 00:44:58,617
Oh, shit.
746
00:44:59,910 --> 00:45:02,662
THUG 1: Nowhere to run. Let's go.
THUG 2: Get her.
747
00:45:14,299 --> 00:45:17,344
[GRUNTING]
748
00:45:25,393 --> 00:45:26,978
[THUG 3 SCREAMING]
749
00:45:41,826 --> 00:45:43,828
[SCREAMING]
750
00:45:44,496 --> 00:45:46,539
THUG 4:
Oh, God, it hurts. It hurts. Oh, God.
751
00:45:46,706 --> 00:45:49,167
Please stop. I'm begging you.
752
00:45:49,334 --> 00:45:51,211
[GROANING]
753
00:45:56,716 --> 00:45:58,718
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
754
00:46:05,016 --> 00:46:06,851
Oh! Wait.
755
00:46:07,727 --> 00:46:10,647
- Where are you?
- Behind you.
756
00:46:13,066 --> 00:46:14,693
You saved my life.
757
00:46:16,069 --> 00:46:17,362
Do I get to thank you?
758
00:46:36,548 --> 00:46:38,550
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
759
00:46:53,898 --> 00:46:55,900
[SIREN WAILING]
760
00:47:00,447 --> 00:47:02,615
Go. Be a hero.
761
00:47:20,091 --> 00:47:21,718
Yeah.
762
00:47:32,062 --> 00:47:34,564
PAPER CLIP: You're planning
a mass murder. Would you like help?
763
00:47:34,731 --> 00:47:36,066
[MUTTERS]
764
00:47:36,232 --> 00:47:37,442
Paper-clip guy.
765
00:47:54,084 --> 00:47:56,628
LUCILLE:
I'm so happy that you and your boyfriend
766
00:47:56,795 --> 00:47:59,005
are spending Thanksgiving with us.
767
00:47:59,172 --> 00:48:00,757
Of course, Lucille.
768
00:48:00,924 --> 00:48:02,801
You need support at a time like this.
769
00:48:02,967 --> 00:48:06,471
Yes, I miss seeing
my Albert each morning.
770
00:48:06,638 --> 00:48:10,809
You know, 50 years of marriage
creates quite a bond.
771
00:48:10,975 --> 00:48:12,644
I wish I knew love like that.
772
00:48:12,811 --> 00:48:17,148
Oh, you will, dear.
You just have to follow your heart.
773
00:48:17,315 --> 00:48:19,984
That's the thing. I don't know if I can.
774
00:48:20,151 --> 00:48:21,403
Oh, Jill.
775
00:48:21,569 --> 00:48:25,281
If you can't trust yourself,
who can you trust?
776
00:48:25,448 --> 00:48:26,783
I know.
777
00:48:26,950 --> 00:48:29,869
But what if my heart is telling me
to be with someone I can't be with?
778
00:48:30,036 --> 00:48:32,288
It's not just any guy, it's the--
779
00:48:32,455 --> 00:48:34,165
Forget it. You'll think I'm crazy.
780
00:48:34,332 --> 00:48:37,836
No, of course not.
You can tell me anything.
781
00:48:38,002 --> 00:48:40,672
I'm very good at keeping secrets.
782
00:48:40,839 --> 00:48:44,008
Oh, you'll think it's ridiculous, but...
It's the Drag--
783
00:48:44,175 --> 00:48:45,218
[DOORBELL RINGS]
784
00:48:45,385 --> 00:48:46,845
- I'll get it.
- Thank you.
785
00:48:49,597 --> 00:48:50,974
Hey, babe.
786
00:48:52,016 --> 00:48:55,311
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I kind of invited my uncle.
787
00:48:55,478 --> 00:48:58,690
- Your uncle?
- What? Set another plate.
788
00:48:58,857 --> 00:49:00,066
Well, okay. I guess.
789
00:49:00,233 --> 00:49:04,028
Miss Johnson. Please,
excuse my nephew's poor manners.
790
00:49:04,195 --> 00:49:06,698
- Oh, thank you.
- Ms. Adams, I'm Lou Landers.
791
00:49:06,865 --> 00:49:08,700
I hope this isn't too much
of an imposition.
792
00:49:08,867 --> 00:49:12,078
Oh, of course not.
There's always room for one more.
793
00:49:12,245 --> 00:49:15,373
Thank you. It's just--
Thanksgiving's for family.
794
00:49:15,540 --> 00:49:17,250
Lance is the only family I have.
795
00:49:17,417 --> 00:49:19,419
- I never married.
- Fruitcake?
796
00:49:19,586 --> 00:49:22,213
Nope, just never met the right woman.
797
00:49:22,380 --> 00:49:25,717
Ah, yes, Lance told me
that Rick Riker was your neighbor.
798
00:49:25,884 --> 00:49:27,427
Where is Rick?
799
00:49:30,346 --> 00:49:31,806
[THUMPS]
800
00:49:31,973 --> 00:49:35,560
Why, that's odd. I thought he was out.
I'll go check on him.
801
00:49:35,727 --> 00:49:38,313
Please, you're busy. Allow me.
802
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:41,107
Thank you.
Upstairs, second door to the right.
803
00:49:54,579 --> 00:49:55,622
[SPLASHING]
804
00:49:55,788 --> 00:49:56,831
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
805
00:49:58,416 --> 00:49:59,876
Rick?
806
00:50:11,179 --> 00:50:12,639
Hmm.
807
00:50:21,856 --> 00:50:22,899
Hmm.
808
00:50:26,319 --> 00:50:27,987
[DRIP]
809
00:50:49,300 --> 00:50:52,303
[SPRINKLER THWAPPING]
810
00:51:11,864 --> 00:51:13,491
[MUTTERING]
811
00:51:38,141 --> 00:51:39,642
[THUD]
812
00:51:40,476 --> 00:51:42,687
Sorry I'm late.
813
00:51:42,854 --> 00:51:46,399
- Oh, Mr. Landers.
- Rick.
814
00:51:46,566 --> 00:51:48,818
LUCILLE:
No, you're just on time.
815
00:51:48,985 --> 00:51:51,321
Everybody, take your seat.
816
00:51:51,487 --> 00:51:53,406
- Ugh.
- Mm.
817
00:51:53,573 --> 00:51:55,867
Uh-uh-uh. Not till we say grace.
818
00:51:56,034 --> 00:51:57,702
Jesus.
819
00:51:57,869 --> 00:51:59,078
ALL:
Amen.
820
00:52:00,413 --> 00:52:02,415
Please start, everyone.
821
00:52:02,582 --> 00:52:04,334
This all looks so delicious, Lucille.
822
00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:07,253
Well, we have Rick to thank for it.
823
00:52:07,420 --> 00:52:09,255
Ever since Albert--
824
00:52:09,922 --> 00:52:13,343
Rick has been supporting me
with his new job.
825
00:52:13,509 --> 00:52:15,386
New job? You didn't tell me.
826
00:52:15,553 --> 00:52:19,390
Oh, well, I'm sort of the Dragonfly's
unofficial photographer.
827
00:52:23,227 --> 00:52:24,937
What happened to your arm?
828
00:52:25,855 --> 00:52:27,732
Uh...
829
00:52:27,899 --> 00:52:30,526
A bike messenger knocked me down.
830
00:52:31,903 --> 00:52:33,946
I see your wrist is bandaged.
831
00:52:34,113 --> 00:52:36,949
Yes, I burned it on some hot coffee.
832
00:52:37,116 --> 00:52:38,951
And you have a cut on your lip.
833
00:52:39,702 --> 00:52:41,329
Uh...
834
00:52:41,496 --> 00:52:43,623
My crack pipe broke.
835
00:52:45,541 --> 00:52:47,543
You have a scratch on your neck.
836
00:52:47,710 --> 00:52:49,587
Yes, I...
837
00:52:49,754 --> 00:52:51,255
Met a girl on Craigslist.
838
00:52:52,965 --> 00:52:54,884
And you have a bruise on your neck.
839
00:52:55,635 --> 00:52:59,138
I met a guy on Craigslist.
840
00:53:02,558 --> 00:53:04,477
I'm sorry, Lance. We have to go.
841
00:53:04,644 --> 00:53:07,522
- Why?
- I...
842
00:53:07,689 --> 00:53:09,065
Shat my pants.
843
00:53:09,232 --> 00:53:10,441
[FORK CLATTERS]
844
00:53:10,608 --> 00:53:12,985
I'll drive.
845
00:53:18,574 --> 00:53:20,576
[SNORING]
846
00:53:26,290 --> 00:53:29,001
- Thanks for helping clean up.
- Of course.
847
00:53:29,627 --> 00:53:31,879
- Poor thing's so tired.
- Yeah, well,
848
00:53:32,046 --> 00:53:34,006
you know old folks after a big meal.
849
00:53:34,173 --> 00:53:37,260
So... You know the Dragonfly?
850
00:53:37,844 --> 00:53:40,763
Uh... Yeah, I guess.
851
00:53:40,930 --> 00:53:42,890
You could sort of say we're close.
852
00:53:43,057 --> 00:53:45,852
Has he...?
Has he ever asked about me?
853
00:53:46,018 --> 00:53:49,689
Um, yeah. Yeah, once.
854
00:53:49,856 --> 00:53:51,482
- What did you tell him?
- Um...
855
00:53:52,442 --> 00:53:53,985
Well, I said--
856
00:53:54,152 --> 00:53:55,486
I told him--
857
00:53:56,988 --> 00:53:59,991
I told him, "The thing about Jill is
858
00:54:00,450 --> 00:54:03,161
when you look in her eyes
and she looks back in yours, you--
859
00:54:03,327 --> 00:54:04,662
[LUCILLE FARTS]
860
00:54:04,829 --> 00:54:06,164
[FARTING]
861
00:54:07,415 --> 00:54:09,167
You know that you'd do anything,
862
00:54:09,333 --> 00:54:12,003
anything to be a better person
than you are so that--
863
00:54:12,170 --> 00:54:13,755
[LUCILLE FARTS]
864
00:54:15,006 --> 00:54:18,342
--If you were ever lucky enough
to be with her,
865
00:54:18,926 --> 00:54:20,720
you could earn every second
of her perfect--
866
00:54:20,887 --> 00:54:24,182
[FARTING]
867
00:54:27,852 --> 00:54:30,980
--Grace, and her limitless beauty--
868
00:54:31,147 --> 00:54:34,525
[LUCILLE FARTING]
869
00:54:35,610 --> 00:54:37,987
--And her unending love."
870
00:54:40,198 --> 00:54:43,743
- Don't cry.
- I'm not. My eyes are burning.
871
00:54:45,536 --> 00:54:48,623
Rick, I want you to know
that was the most beautiful thing
872
00:54:48,790 --> 00:54:51,083
anyone's ever said to me.
873
00:54:51,250 --> 00:54:54,253
[LUCILLE FARTING]
874
00:54:56,964 --> 00:54:58,633
Scented candle?
875
00:54:59,091 --> 00:55:00,343
Thank you.
876
00:55:00,510 --> 00:55:03,846
Rick, I'm so confused, and yet--
877
00:55:04,013 --> 00:55:06,015
[FARTS]
878
00:55:06,182 --> 00:55:08,226
--I know exactly what I want.
879
00:55:11,562 --> 00:55:15,066
[FARTING]
880
00:55:17,735 --> 00:55:18,986
[SQUEAKS]
881
00:55:22,907 --> 00:55:24,408
[GRUNTS]
882
00:55:27,578 --> 00:55:30,289
Sorry to drop in uninvited.
883
00:55:30,456 --> 00:55:33,668
It's okay. We were hoping someone
would open a window.
884
00:55:33,835 --> 00:55:35,586
It was getting stuffy in here.
885
00:55:35,753 --> 00:55:39,590
So this is the lair of the Dragonfly.
886
00:55:39,757 --> 00:55:43,553
- How did you--?
- No, no, no. I'm not here to fight you.
887
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:47,515
I've got thousands of other people
I plan to kill.
888
00:55:47,682 --> 00:55:53,771
This little visit is just to show you
who'll get hurt if you get in my way.
889
00:55:53,938 --> 00:55:55,731
Never.
890
00:55:57,608 --> 00:56:00,152
[BOOKEND CLANKING]
891
00:56:03,155 --> 00:56:04,240
[GRUNTS]
892
00:56:06,868 --> 00:56:10,454
Time to go.
893
00:56:10,621 --> 00:56:12,623
[SCREAMS]
894
00:56:12,790 --> 00:56:13,791
[FARTS]
895
00:56:15,710 --> 00:56:17,962
CHIEF [ON TV]: The woman,
Lucille Adams of Empire City,
896
00:56:18,129 --> 00:56:19,338
was badly injured.
897
00:56:19,505 --> 00:56:21,465
REPORTER: How was she injured?
- Badly.
898
00:56:21,632 --> 00:56:24,510
REPORTER: What about the Dragonfly?
- All I can tell you is this:
899
00:56:24,677 --> 00:56:27,179
He didn't save anyone tonight.
900
00:56:27,346 --> 00:56:29,223
Doctor, how is she?
901
00:56:29,390 --> 00:56:31,767
I'm afraid your aunt's taken
a turn for the worse.
902
00:56:31,934 --> 00:56:35,313
She can't speak, she can't walk,
she has no control over her bowels.
903
00:56:35,479 --> 00:56:37,607
- That's-- That's awful.
- I know. I went ahead
904
00:56:37,773 --> 00:56:41,027
and set up a Myspace page for her
under "crazy shit machine."
905
00:56:41,986 --> 00:56:43,487
She already has 40 friends.
906
00:56:43,654 --> 00:56:45,823
Wait a minute.
That's somebody else's aunt.
907
00:56:45,990 --> 00:56:48,159
Your aunt has no problem
with her bowels.
908
00:56:48,326 --> 00:56:50,119
- Oh, thank God.
- Because she's dead.
909
00:56:50,286 --> 00:56:53,331
Truly sorry, Rick,
but there is a silver lining.
910
00:56:53,497 --> 00:56:55,833
Your uncle came out of his coma
this morning.
911
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:57,001
- He did?
- Yes.
912
00:56:57,168 --> 00:56:59,670
But you mustn't tell him
about your aunt just yet.
913
00:56:59,837 --> 00:57:02,465
He's in a delicate mental state.
The slightest bit of bad news
914
00:57:02,632 --> 00:57:05,217
could send him spiraling
right back into a coma.
915
00:57:05,384 --> 00:57:07,178
I understand.
916
00:57:09,513 --> 00:57:12,058
Mr. Adams, you have a visitor.
917
00:57:12,224 --> 00:57:13,517
Is it Lucille?
918
00:57:13,684 --> 00:57:16,938
No, sir, it's not your dead wife.
It's your nephew, Rick.
919
00:57:17,104 --> 00:57:18,814
Remember, no bad news.
920
00:57:18,981 --> 00:57:21,901
Now, sir, here you go.
This is my bill.
921
00:57:22,068 --> 00:57:23,361
ALBERT:
You did surgery on me?
922
00:57:23,527 --> 00:57:27,406
Uh, yes, sir. We confused you
with one of our sex-change patients,
923
00:57:27,573 --> 00:57:29,533
but don't worry,
we didn't remove your penis.
924
00:57:29,700 --> 00:57:32,703
We did cut your testicles off,
but, well, since your wife's dead,
925
00:57:32,870 --> 00:57:34,538
you won't be needing them anyway.
926
00:57:34,705 --> 00:57:39,043
You just want to keep his spirits up.
He'll land on his feet in no time.
927
00:57:40,836 --> 00:57:44,507
PRIEST: We are gathered today
to say goodbye to Lucille Adams.
928
00:57:44,674 --> 00:57:46,217
MOURNERS:
Goodbye.
929
00:57:46,384 --> 00:57:48,511
PRIEST:
And now the eulogy.
930
00:57:48,678 --> 00:57:51,263
ALBERT:
It's tragic to think this is the last time
931
00:57:51,430 --> 00:57:53,724
that I can look upon my wife's face.
932
00:57:53,891 --> 00:57:56,018
God, Lucille.
933
00:57:56,185 --> 00:58:00,940
How could you take her from me?
I can't live without her. Aah!
934
00:58:01,107 --> 00:58:02,149
[CROWD GASPS]
935
00:58:02,316 --> 00:58:04,694
Lucille. Snookie lumps.
936
00:58:04,860 --> 00:58:07,279
Sorry, there's been a terrible mistake.
This is your wife.
937
00:58:07,446 --> 00:58:08,614
Ah!
938
00:58:08,781 --> 00:58:10,783
She is this man's wife.
939
00:58:11,951 --> 00:58:13,869
[CROWD MURMURING]
940
00:58:14,036 --> 00:58:16,080
Give me five minutes.
941
00:58:16,247 --> 00:58:18,249
[COFFIN SQUEAKING]
942
00:58:20,084 --> 00:58:21,419
- Uncle Albert.
ALBERT: I'm not finished.
943
00:58:21,585 --> 00:58:23,421
RICK: Uncle Albert.
ALBERT: I'm--
944
00:58:24,088 --> 00:58:25,756
[SNIFFS]
945
00:58:26,298 --> 00:58:28,175
You're one lucky guy.
946
00:58:28,342 --> 00:58:30,302
Now, where's Lucille?
947
00:58:30,469 --> 00:58:33,889
Ah, Lucille.
948
00:58:34,056 --> 00:58:35,391
[SIGHS]
949
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:38,019
[CROWD SCREAMING]
950
00:58:39,895 --> 00:58:43,107
I do have this coupon for a cremation.
951
00:58:47,737 --> 00:58:49,447
Rick?
952
00:58:50,322 --> 00:58:52,658
I am so sorry for your loss.
953
00:58:55,036 --> 00:58:56,954
What is it?
954
00:58:57,121 --> 00:58:59,123
I know I said some things,
955
00:58:59,290 --> 00:59:01,125
but now more than ever, I realize...
956
00:59:02,793 --> 00:59:04,503
...we can never be together.
957
00:59:05,212 --> 00:59:07,173
I don't believe you.
958
00:59:07,339 --> 00:59:09,008
[CRYING]
959
00:59:09,175 --> 00:59:12,470
You love me, Rick. I know you do.
960
00:59:12,636 --> 00:59:16,223
Jill, trust me.
I'm telling you this for your own good.
961
00:59:19,894 --> 00:59:21,562
I don't love you.
962
00:59:23,647 --> 00:59:25,649
You're no longer in my five.
963
00:59:27,151 --> 00:59:29,153
How could you?
964
01:00:34,176 --> 01:00:35,386
[SPRAYING]
965
01:00:37,054 --> 01:00:38,848
You can't keep getting lucky, man.
966
01:00:39,014 --> 01:00:42,351
You only beat me by two strokes this time.
And the back nine is what killed.
967
01:00:42,518 --> 01:00:43,561
[GLASS SHATTERS]
968
01:00:43,727 --> 01:00:46,564
Oh, my God. Look at this place.
969
01:00:46,730 --> 01:00:49,900
Yo, what are you doing, man?
You gotta pull yourself together, dude.
970
01:00:50,067 --> 01:00:51,569
RICK:
What's the point?
971
01:00:54,905 --> 01:00:55,906
[BURBLES]
972
01:00:57,825 --> 01:01:03,164
Look at you. Eating junk food,
wearing fake beards.
973
01:01:03,330 --> 01:01:05,958
And we found your costume
in the garbage outside.
974
01:01:06,125 --> 01:01:08,794
Yeah, well,
I'm not the Dragonfly anymore.
975
01:01:08,961 --> 01:01:11,672
But you said the Hourglass
was gonna kill thousands of people.
976
01:01:11,839 --> 01:01:14,842
Look, I told you I'm no hero.
All right? Aunt Lucille's dead,
977
01:01:15,009 --> 01:01:18,012
I rejected the only girl I've ever loved
978
01:01:18,179 --> 01:01:19,680
and I can't even fly.
979
01:01:20,764 --> 01:01:24,101
God, I wish I'd never been bitten
by that stupid dragonfly.
980
01:01:24,268 --> 01:01:27,730
Then maybe your father shouldn't have
given you this after all.
981
01:01:27,897 --> 01:01:31,734
Look at the words your ancestors
inscribed in that ring.
982
01:01:31,901 --> 01:01:34,612
Honor, valor, sacrifice,
983
01:01:34,778 --> 01:01:37,072
duty, commitment, bravery, justice,
984
01:01:37,239 --> 01:01:38,908
integrity, brotherhood,
985
01:01:39,074 --> 01:01:42,077
self-esteem, low prices,
affordable housing,
986
01:01:42,244 --> 01:01:44,747
loose-fitting pants, cheap Internet porn.
987
01:01:45,915 --> 01:01:47,082
The rest is in Latin.
988
01:01:47,833 --> 01:01:50,085
Rick, the hero's path is dangerous.
989
01:01:50,252 --> 01:01:51,962
You may fail or you may fly.
990
01:01:52,129 --> 01:01:56,467
All that matters is that you do it
for the best of reasons.
991
01:01:56,634 --> 01:01:58,594
Helping others, Rick,
992
01:01:58,761 --> 01:02:01,639
that's what makes you a real hero.
993
01:02:02,932 --> 01:02:04,516
Maybe you're right,
994
01:02:04,683 --> 01:02:06,977
but even if I wanted
to stop the Hourglass,
995
01:02:07,144 --> 01:02:09,063
I wouldn't know where to start.
996
01:02:09,230 --> 01:02:12,149
I mean, where's he gonna find
thousands of people in one place?
997
01:02:12,983 --> 01:02:14,235
Look.
998
01:02:14,401 --> 01:02:16,820
REPORTER [ON TV]: Reporting live from
the city convention center
999
01:02:16,987 --> 01:02:19,990
where thousands of people
are in one place,
1000
01:02:20,157 --> 01:02:21,700
but none of them more important
1001
01:02:21,867 --> 01:02:24,954
than the attendees
of the World Humanity Awards.
1002
01:02:25,871 --> 01:02:27,081
I'll drive.
1003
01:02:27,248 --> 01:02:28,290
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
1004
01:02:28,457 --> 01:02:29,500
[GRUNTING]
1005
01:02:30,251 --> 01:02:34,213
Well, that shortcut through the playground
sure saved us some time.
1006
01:02:34,380 --> 01:02:37,675
You go ahead, I'll find a place to park.
1007
01:02:40,052 --> 01:02:42,721
GIRL:
Mister, please stop.
1008
01:02:42,888 --> 01:02:45,224
Each year, the World Humanity Awards
are held
1009
01:02:45,391 --> 01:02:49,019
to honor the greatest achievements
on behalf of all humanity.
1010
01:02:49,186 --> 01:02:51,272
This gala event is expected to draw
1011
01:02:51,438 --> 01:02:54,108
the world's most prestigious leaders
to Empire City.
1012
01:02:54,275 --> 01:02:57,361
TREY: Excuse us, excuse us.
- Empire City Times.
1013
01:02:57,528 --> 01:02:59,947
Damn. Look, there go Prince Charles.
1014
01:03:00,114 --> 01:03:03,867
And Nelson Mandela. Nelson!
Hey, I was in jail too, man.
1015
01:03:05,953 --> 01:03:08,205
One of the guests here is the Hourglass.
1016
01:03:08,372 --> 01:03:10,207
But which one?
1017
01:03:11,792 --> 01:03:14,295
Thank you so much for inviting us,
Mr. Landers.
1018
01:03:14,461 --> 01:03:17,965
When you're being honored by the world,
you want your family with you.
1019
01:03:19,049 --> 01:03:23,053
Perhaps one day,
you could be part of our family too.
1020
01:03:23,220 --> 01:03:24,388
[SNIFFS THEN SNORTS]
1021
01:03:24,555 --> 01:03:27,057
Ladies and gentlemen, our first award
1022
01:03:27,224 --> 01:03:29,727
is for the medical breakthrough
of the year.
1023
01:03:29,893 --> 01:03:33,564
For his company's pioneering work
in the field of feminine hygiene
1024
01:03:34,356 --> 01:03:37,568
I award Lou Landers
douche bag of the year.
1025
01:03:37,735 --> 01:03:39,236
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
1026
01:03:39,653 --> 01:03:41,864
[SINGING]
Douche bag
1027
01:03:42,031 --> 01:03:44,867
He's the douche bag of the year
1028
01:03:45,034 --> 01:03:47,494
Now ain't he great, folks?
1029
01:03:47,661 --> 01:03:53,417
Ain't he grand?
The douche bag of the year
1030
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:58,839
TONY BENNETT [SINGING]:
Douche bag
1031
01:03:59,006 --> 01:04:02,760
He's Mr. Douche-Bag-of-the-Year
1032
01:04:02,926 --> 01:04:05,387
Look at him smile, look at him shine
1033
01:04:05,554 --> 01:04:09,058
He's the douche bag of
The douche bag of the year
1034
01:04:09,224 --> 01:04:12,603
PHOTOGRAPHER: Hold up the
douche bag. Hold up the douche bag, sir.
1035
01:04:15,147 --> 01:04:17,316
RICK:
Stop right there, Landers.
1036
01:04:17,483 --> 01:04:18,984
Mr. Riker.
1037
01:04:19,151 --> 01:04:21,528
So you know.
1038
01:04:21,695 --> 01:04:23,697
You're damn right I do.
1039
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:27,409
Someone in this auditorium
is the Hourglass.
1040
01:04:27,576 --> 01:04:30,537
I need your help to figure out who it is.
1041
01:04:30,704 --> 01:04:33,165
Now the Hourglass could be anyone.
A guest of honor.
1042
01:04:33,332 --> 01:04:34,458
[FOOTSTEPS]
1043
01:04:34,625 --> 01:04:36,627
Maybe even a stagehand.
1044
01:04:42,633 --> 01:04:44,802
This may be nothing,
but I did see a man
1045
01:04:44,968 --> 01:04:49,306
with what looked like
a canister of cerillium.
1046
01:04:49,473 --> 01:04:50,933
Who?
1047
01:04:51,100 --> 01:04:53,435
MAN: This lifetime achievement award
- Him.
1048
01:04:53,602 --> 01:04:56,230
Goes to one of the world's
greatest souls,
1049
01:04:56,397 --> 01:04:58,982
His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.
1050
01:05:00,109 --> 01:05:01,485
[GRUNTING]
1051
01:05:01,652 --> 01:05:02,778
[AUDIENCE GASPING]
1052
01:05:05,823 --> 01:05:08,575
This man isn't who you think he is.
He's the Hourglass.
1053
01:05:08,742 --> 01:05:11,995
- No, no, I'm a man of peace.
- Shut up.
1054
01:05:12,162 --> 01:05:14,581
You're plotting to kill all these people
and I can prove it.
1055
01:05:14,748 --> 01:05:18,168
Show the world the armor you're hiding
under these robes.
1056
01:05:19,503 --> 01:05:20,921
You can't fool me, Hourglass.
1057
01:05:21,088 --> 01:05:23,173
You're packing 10 pounds of cerillium
under there.
1058
01:05:23,340 --> 01:05:25,217
- What?
- Ahh.
1059
01:05:27,845 --> 01:05:29,179
GUARD:
Take him down.
1060
01:05:30,180 --> 01:05:31,432
[GRUNTING]
1061
01:05:32,015 --> 01:05:34,017
[SCREAMING AND GASPING]
1062
01:05:34,226 --> 01:05:36,520
Tutu.
1063
01:05:41,483 --> 01:05:43,861
Peace. Pea--
1064
01:05:48,198 --> 01:05:49,867
[MONKS CHANT]
1065
01:05:53,704 --> 01:05:56,039
HAWKING:
Shit, shit, shit.
1066
01:05:58,542 --> 01:05:59,751
You.
1067
01:05:59,918 --> 01:06:01,545
You're the Hourglass.
1068
01:06:05,841 --> 01:06:07,843
[EXPLOSION]
1069
01:06:08,010 --> 01:06:09,052
[CROWD SCREAMING]
1070
01:06:13,182 --> 01:06:15,392
DRAGONFLY:
Hourglass.
1071
01:06:22,399 --> 01:06:25,110
- "Hero Con"?
- It's a convention for people
1072
01:06:25,277 --> 01:06:27,779
who like to dress up as
their favorite heroes and villains.
1073
01:06:27,946 --> 01:06:30,407
- By the way, your costume sucks.
HOURGLASS: Out of my way.
1074
01:06:38,123 --> 01:06:40,250
Hourglass,
you'll never get away with this.
1075
01:06:40,417 --> 01:06:43,420
Forget it, Dragonfly. You're too late.
1076
01:06:43,587 --> 01:06:45,047
[LAUGHING]
1077
01:06:45,756 --> 01:06:46,924
Run!
1078
01:06:47,090 --> 01:06:48,592
[SCREAMING]
1079
01:06:49,551 --> 01:06:51,261
[GASPS]
1080
01:06:51,428 --> 01:06:52,596
Yeah.
1081
01:06:55,724 --> 01:06:57,142
[GRUNTING]
1082
01:07:03,607 --> 01:07:05,609
Goodbye,
1083
01:07:06,777 --> 01:07:08,111
little fly.
1084
01:07:11,114 --> 01:07:12,616
Dragonfly!
1085
01:07:13,242 --> 01:07:14,660
No!
1086
01:07:15,118 --> 01:07:17,120
Ahh! Unh!
1087
01:07:18,121 --> 01:07:19,456
[GROWLS]
1088
01:07:28,840 --> 01:07:30,175
[GRUNTS]
1089
01:07:35,097 --> 01:07:36,640
MAN:
My eye.
1090
01:07:44,022 --> 01:07:47,693
HAWKING:
Dragonfly, you must stop the Hourglass.
1091
01:07:47,859 --> 01:07:49,194
[SIGHS]
1092
01:07:49,653 --> 01:07:51,280
I can't.
1093
01:07:51,446 --> 01:07:53,407
I can't fly.
1094
01:07:53,574 --> 01:07:56,159
If there is one lesson my life can teach,
1095
01:07:56,326 --> 01:07:59,580
it is that the spirit
is stronger than the body.
1096
01:07:59,746 --> 01:08:01,999
The hero comes from within.
1097
01:08:02,666 --> 01:08:04,084
Those are Céline Dion lyrics.
1098
01:08:04,918 --> 01:08:07,170
HAWKING:
Whatever. It's still true.
1099
01:08:08,547 --> 01:08:09,715
You're right.
1100
01:08:17,055 --> 01:08:18,890
It's working.
1101
01:08:20,684 --> 01:08:22,978
JILL: Unh!
- Sorry.
1102
01:08:23,312 --> 01:08:27,190
Watch, Dragonfly, as your city dies.
1103
01:08:28,567 --> 01:08:30,402
[CHUCKLES]
1104
01:08:31,862 --> 01:08:33,864
[GRUNTING]
1105
01:08:39,119 --> 01:08:41,538
Where am I?
1106
01:08:41,705 --> 01:08:43,540
MAN:
You're with me,
1107
01:08:43,707 --> 01:08:45,792
your lover.
1108
01:08:47,044 --> 01:08:48,378
[GRUNTS]
1109
01:08:51,923 --> 01:08:53,675
Dragonfly.
1110
01:08:55,302 --> 01:08:56,720
No.
1111
01:08:58,972 --> 01:09:02,559
- No.
- Only now do you understand.
1112
01:09:02,726 --> 01:09:04,978
[BEEPING]
1113
01:09:05,687 --> 01:09:06,730
DRAGONFLY:
Oh, come--
1114
01:09:06,897 --> 01:09:08,106
[GRUNTS]
1115
01:09:11,401 --> 01:09:12,736
I need you to yank this off.
1116
01:09:13,945 --> 01:09:16,198
- Yeah.
- There's not enough time.
1117
01:09:19,576 --> 01:09:20,952
Oh, fuck.
1118
01:09:21,119 --> 01:09:22,788
[JILL SCREAMS]
1119
01:09:28,377 --> 01:09:31,004
- It's over.
JILL: Dragonfly!
1120
01:09:31,171 --> 01:09:32,923
DRAGONFLY:
Jill.
1121
01:09:35,759 --> 01:09:37,594
Gotcha.
1122
01:09:39,388 --> 01:09:40,472
- Rick?
- You didn't think
1123
01:09:40,639 --> 01:09:43,308
I'd let anything happen to the girl I love,
did you?
1124
01:09:43,475 --> 01:09:45,268
Well, we're still falling.
1125
01:09:45,435 --> 01:09:48,480
Damn it. If only I could fly.
1126
01:09:48,647 --> 01:09:50,565
Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a hero.
1127
01:09:50,732 --> 01:09:53,443
Maybe I was meant to have a normal job.
An accountant, a gym teacher.
1128
01:09:53,610 --> 01:09:54,945
[BIRD SCREECHES]
1129
01:09:55,112 --> 01:09:57,781
- This is a really tall building.
- Rick.
1130
01:09:57,948 --> 01:09:59,491
I don't care what happens anymore.
1131
01:09:59,658 --> 01:10:01,827
If I die, I die happily in your arms.
1132
01:10:02,869 --> 01:10:05,122
You're my hero, Rick Riker,
and I love you.
1133
01:10:10,752 --> 01:10:12,254
Yes!
1134
01:10:12,421 --> 01:10:15,090
Oh, thank God.
We only have 50 stories left.
1135
01:10:15,257 --> 01:10:16,466
Hang on.
1136
01:10:28,520 --> 01:10:30,272
HAWKING:
Thank you, Dragonfly.
1137
01:10:30,439 --> 01:10:33,442
Because of you, our city is safe at last.
1138
01:10:33,608 --> 01:10:36,111
- You said it, Dr. Hawking.
HAWKING: Shit!
1139
01:10:36,278 --> 01:10:39,281
- Well, it's a happy ending for us all.
HAWKING: Aah!
1140
01:10:39,448 --> 01:10:41,992
Let's go get some dinner. I'm buying.
1141
01:10:42,826 --> 01:10:45,078
DRAGONFLY:
Who am I? I'm Rick Riker.
1142
01:10:45,245 --> 01:10:46,788
I'm the Dragonfly.
1143
01:10:46,955 --> 01:10:49,458
And as long as there's crime and injustice,
1144
01:10:49,624 --> 01:10:52,169
I will forever be a superhero--
1145
01:10:57,132 --> 01:11:00,135
HOURGLASS:
I am the Hourglass!
1146
01:12:21,758 --> 01:12:24,511
HOURGLASS:
Your time is up.
1147
01:13:53,642 --> 01:13:55,018
Ow!
1148
01:13:56,436 --> 01:13:57,729
[GRUNTING]
1149
01:14:02,025 --> 01:14:03,068
Hm.
1150
01:14:04,194 --> 01:14:05,362
Aah!
1151
01:14:06,363 --> 01:14:09,032
My dad says my breasts are too big
for a dancer.
1152
01:14:09,658 --> 01:14:11,534
Maybe he's right. I mean, look at them.
1153
01:14:11,701 --> 01:14:17,666
They're just huge, worthless,
blobby weights.
1154
01:14:17,874 --> 01:14:20,961
Yes. Worthless.
1155
01:14:21,294 --> 01:14:23,672
Dr. Hawking. I am such a fan.
1156
01:14:23,838 --> 01:14:26,633
I'd love to show you my project
on supernovas.
1157
01:14:28,093 --> 01:14:30,178
HAWKING:
You have an incredible ass--
1158
01:14:30,345 --> 01:14:33,056
--Stronomy career ahead of you.
1159
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:39,562
[GRUNTS]
1160
01:14:45,443 --> 01:14:49,322
Wait, where's Saturn?
I'd hate to lose my father's bowling ball.
1161
01:14:50,949 --> 01:14:52,283
There it is.
1162
01:14:52,534 --> 01:14:54,911
Gentlemen, if you're ready,
1163
01:14:55,078 --> 01:14:56,371
[COUGHING]
1164
01:14:56,538 --> 01:14:58,915
Allow me to show you the future.
1165
01:14:59,708 --> 01:15:01,042
Strom.
1166
01:15:04,713 --> 01:15:06,548
[GRUNTING]
1167
01:15:06,715 --> 01:15:08,633
From the-- From the-- Lift it--
1168
01:15:08,800 --> 01:15:10,844
STROM: Got it.
- Lift it over.
1169
01:15:14,097 --> 01:15:15,974
- Can you fly?
- No.
1170
01:15:16,141 --> 01:15:18,351
- Can you see through walls?
- No.
1171
01:15:18,518 --> 01:15:20,979
- Can you see through a tube top?
- No!
1172
01:15:21,146 --> 01:15:22,605
Can you fix a prostate?
1173
01:15:23,732 --> 01:15:26,109
LOU:
Strom, do you have my test results?
1174
01:15:28,111 --> 01:15:31,281
Whatever you're doing to your victims
rejuvenates you.
1175
01:15:31,448 --> 01:15:33,116
But only for 24 hours.
1176
01:15:33,408 --> 01:15:37,996
Hmm. What if I killed 28 people
in one session?
1177
01:15:38,163 --> 01:15:39,664
Would that give me a month to live?
1178
01:15:39,831 --> 01:15:41,249
If it were February, yes.
1179
01:15:43,418 --> 01:15:44,836
You.
1180
01:15:45,003 --> 01:15:46,629
You're the Hourglass.
1181
01:15:49,466 --> 01:15:51,509
It's a pity you saw that, my dear.
1182
01:15:51,676 --> 01:15:54,304
Perhaps this
1183
01:15:54,471 --> 01:15:56,139
will help you forget.
1184
01:15:56,306 --> 01:15:57,599
[GRUNTS]
1185
01:15:57,766 --> 01:15:59,100
WOMAN [MUFFLED]:
Help!
1186
01:16:01,811 --> 01:16:03,813
What are you doing?
1187
01:16:06,024 --> 01:16:07,984
Take me.
1188
01:16:08,610 --> 01:16:12,822
This, uh... This, uh...
This turtleneck's really strangling me.
1189
01:16:12,989 --> 01:16:17,327
You have no idea. I'd let you--
I'd give this off the skin of my back to you.
1190
01:16:17,494 --> 01:16:19,579
A knockoff.
You can have it on the way out.
1191
01:16:19,746 --> 01:16:22,373
Old McDonald had a farm,
and Bingo was his name-o.
1192
01:16:22,540 --> 01:16:25,627
And, uh, that's, uh...
1193
01:16:28,880 --> 01:16:31,174
[SNORING]
1194
01:16:31,341 --> 01:16:32,342
MAN:
Tom?
1195
01:16:32,509 --> 01:16:35,095
[LAUGHING]
1196
01:16:35,261 --> 01:16:37,430
Yeah.
1197
01:16:38,264 --> 01:16:43,436
I, uh... I'm, uh... I got it. I'm good.
1198
01:16:44,229 --> 01:16:47,023
- I know what you're doing.
MAN: I'm not doing anything.
1199
01:16:47,190 --> 01:16:50,360
I just-- I just wanted to ask you, um...
1200
01:16:50,527 --> 01:16:53,363
- Stop. Just shut up. Shut up.
- No, but--
1201
01:16:53,530 --> 01:16:55,782
- Hey. Hey.
- There was a rumor about--
1202
01:16:55,949 --> 01:16:57,283
- But you wanted to--
- Stop.
1203
01:16:57,450 --> 01:16:59,285
- You did claim, however--
- Stop.
1204
01:16:59,452 --> 01:17:01,538
Okay, but you did say
you agreed to be here,
1205
01:17:01,704 --> 01:17:04,082
and you said that you would talk about--
1206
01:17:04,249 --> 01:17:06,543
- Shut up.
- Yeah? Okay.
1207
01:17:06,709 --> 01:17:08,586
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1208
01:17:09,879 --> 01:17:12,090
[SINGING]
Douche bag
1209
01:17:12,257 --> 01:17:15,093
He's the douche bag of the year
1210
01:17:15,260 --> 01:17:17,720
Now ain't he great, folks?
1211
01:17:17,887 --> 01:17:21,474
Ain't he grand?
The douche bag of the year
1212
01:17:22,058 --> 01:17:24,185
Douche bag
1213
01:17:24,352 --> 01:17:27,897
Mr. Douche-Bag-of-the-Year
1214
01:17:28,064 --> 01:17:30,525
Look at him smile, look at him shine
1215
01:17:30,692 --> 01:17:36,573
He's the douche bag of
The douche bag of the year
1216
01:17:36,823 --> 01:17:39,367
XAVIER: And this is the guy
who wipes Wolverine's butt.
1217
01:17:39,534 --> 01:17:41,578
Where you been?
What am I supposed to do?
1218
01:17:41,744 --> 01:17:43,913
- Sorry.
- "Sorry" doesn't wipe my ass.
1219
01:17:47,083 --> 01:17:49,377
Come on, put some shoulder into it.
1220
01:17:49,794 --> 01:17:51,421
Are you going right now?
1221
01:17:51,588 --> 01:17:53,590
[LAUGHING]
1222
01:17:54,591 --> 01:17:56,009
Dragonfly!
1223
01:17:58,970 --> 01:18:00,305
[CROWD GASPS]
1224
01:18:01,097 --> 01:18:03,349
People throw some crazy shit
in the trash.
1225
01:18:03,558 --> 01:18:04,934
[CROWD CHEERING]
1226
01:18:07,604 --> 01:18:09,606
Amazing.
Do you work with the Dragonfly?
1227
01:18:09,772 --> 01:18:12,358
- Well...
- Yes, he does. We're a team.
1228
01:18:13,193 --> 01:18:15,195
What do they call you?
1229
01:18:15,445 --> 01:18:18,907
Me? They call me the Incredible
1230
01:18:19,532 --> 01:18:21,784
- Black Co--
- Uh!
1231
01:18:21,951 --> 01:18:24,787
Rooster.
He's the Incredible Black Rooster.
1232
01:18:25,038 --> 01:18:30,084
If I may, sir. In 2003, Mr. Landers
won the National Science Award
1233
01:18:30,251 --> 01:18:33,296
for his invention
of the nonstick toilet seat.
1234
01:18:33,463 --> 01:18:37,300
Oh! That thing saved
my grandma's life. She big.
1235
01:18:49,145 --> 01:18:50,688
[GRUNTING]
1236
01:18:50,855 --> 01:18:52,982
Excuse me. There is a line.
1237
01:18:53,149 --> 01:18:54,651
[SCREAMS]
1238
01:18:54,817 --> 01:18:57,487
No, you're killing him all wrong.
It's like this.
1239
01:18:57,654 --> 01:18:58,905
[SCREAMS]
1240
01:19:00,073 --> 01:19:01,157
Better.
1241
01:19:01,324 --> 01:19:02,659
[SCREAMS]
1242
01:19:04,452 --> 01:19:05,495
Oh, shit.
1243
01:19:05,662 --> 01:19:07,914
It's so unfair. They have nothing.
1244
01:19:08,081 --> 01:19:10,833
Why do we have $2 billion?
1245
01:19:11,000 --> 01:19:14,379
Well, your grandfather left us $3 billion,
and I made some bad investments.
1246
01:19:14,545 --> 01:19:16,339
But that's nothing for to worry about.
1247
01:19:16,506 --> 01:19:19,008
I've got tomorrow's editorial. "When you
sleep with someone, you're sleeping
1248
01:19:19,175 --> 01:19:21,678
with everyone they ever slept with."
Does that make you gay?
1249
01:19:21,844 --> 01:19:23,054
Yes! Yes, it does!
1250
01:19:23,763 --> 01:19:25,014
[GRUNTS]
1251
01:19:27,767 --> 01:19:32,730
Well, someone'll think twice before they
try to steal a pack of gum from you again.
1252
01:19:33,815 --> 01:19:36,859
This is gonna be difficult for you, Rick,
but you need to identify the body.
1253
01:19:39,988 --> 01:19:42,865
RICK: This isn't my aunt.
- Yes, that's why it's so difficult.
1254
01:19:48,830 --> 01:19:50,748
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1255
01:19:50,915 --> 01:19:55,003
- I know. One, two, three...
- One, two, three...
1256
01:19:56,379 --> 01:19:59,424
- Where's Aunt Lucille?
- She's at home under heavy sedation.
1257
01:19:59,590 --> 01:20:01,843
They made her watch three hours
of women's basketball.
1258
01:20:14,022 --> 01:20:15,398
I wanna be a dancer.
1259
01:20:16,607 --> 01:20:17,775
I bet you're great.
1260
01:20:18,401 --> 01:20:21,654
I am pretty flexible.
1261
01:20:22,572 --> 01:20:24,449
Unless you had some cerillium.
1262
01:20:25,158 --> 01:20:26,909
Then you could create a device
1263
01:20:27,076 --> 01:20:30,079
powerful enough to draw the life force
out of thousands of people
1264
01:20:30,246 --> 01:20:32,749
and enhance your own
cellular capacity.
1265
01:20:32,915 --> 01:20:35,251
Strom, you're a genius.
1266
01:20:35,418 --> 01:20:36,753
Wikipedia.
1267
01:20:40,423 --> 01:20:42,008
Dang it.
1268
01:20:43,134 --> 01:20:45,053
Phew.